I Came In Last In The Human Race

-clandestine
lost my phone!
=[

damnit i miss my texting.


soooo anyways
i know you wont read this...
....but seriously screw you.

who do you think you are
"i dont care" about your secret show ticket.

"i dont care" if you got on a tourbus.

because somewhere along the way you missed what it was about: music.

and got caught up in the who's who and who you hang with
"i dont care"
seriously. never text me or my friends rubbing whatever you are doing in our faces.

we are not in junior high.

i understand you have no self esteem and you dont have a wonderful life
but who does anymore, evveryone has their secrets
i was more than willing to get along with you
but then you just had to go all FANGIRL on me.

so thank you,
for making me realize my maturity level is miles beyond yours.

"i dont care" about your privledges
"i dont care" about your fanclub"i dont care" about you and your secret show
"i dont care" about your local celebrity status
i just flat out..."dont care"

-drop a heart, break a name.
cause im through with this fucking game.

(i hated seeing you today, you and your friends. i was so embarassed.)

missing out sucks.
missing out without updates sucks worse.
i seriously feel like i fell off the face of the planet.
dont forget me ok?

damnit.
bad weekend? mhm.
but one person still makes me happy and lights me up =]
yay


today i went to the Nike Human Race.
it was amazing.
i missed Fall Out Boy and almost cried when i had to leave.
i might hate my sport, but times i laugh so hard i cant breathe with those girls makes it all good.

ohh wonderful videos to be uploaded
and pictures too.
.






sitting on my bed.
playing piano.
well more like keyboard. whatever


why does everyone have someone?
except me?

ok. emo time over NOW.

Flashing Lights

Its so odd how certain songs and artists being you back to place. i love it

metro station is my guilty pleasure....how embarassing.

Kanye West- Graduation: Football Season 07 and a certain ex
Fall Out Boy- Take This To Your Grave: Freshman.
Metro Station: Winter + Milwaukee + The Rave
Vanessa Carlton: Summer Camp
Cobra Starship- While The City Sleeps: Summer '07 HCT crowd
The Cab: Alex Marshall adkfakljsdhflkajdhflakdjfhaldkfh<3
Friday Night Boys: Memphis
The Hush Sound: Quincy, IL to home
Death Cab For Cutie- Passengar Seat: Driving Home after falling in love for the first time, and falling apart afterwards
Calabria: Watching someone run away from home
Pretty Fly- Offspring: Flying to Colorado with Erin and dancing in airport terminals
Mayday Parade- Jamie All Over: RMS and STS, bottles hidden under the couch and guitars plugged into amps in a quite basement
All American Reject- Night Drive: Aragon Ballroom November 2006
Boys Like Girls- Great Escape: Jumping off a couch and dancing around my basement with my best friend
Fall Out Boy- Hum Hallelujah: "For all those kids who glow in the dark"x4
Benny Benassi- Satasfaction: Freshman Homecoming, and the first screamo song i ever heard
Treaty Of Paris- Waking Up The Dead: December at the Metro, a day that i didn't know would change everything
Dash The Curry- M.I.A.: Lollapalooza 2007, talking to spin magazine about the experience
Vampire Weekend- A- Punk: Riding on the train home from the city with my mom realizing that i needed music in my future
Boys Like Girls- HeroHeroine: Unrequitted Love
Gym Class Heroes- Clothes Off: Paige
Panic! At The Disco- Nails For Breakfast: My First FBR sampler, the start of everything.
The Killers- Mr. Brightside: ExBestFriends(forNEVER)
Cute Is What We Aim For- Marriage To Millions- Driving during summer
Metro Station- Kelsey: Learning To Play Piano
Jacks Mannequinn- Dark Blue: Myspace!
Pedro The Lion- Indian Summer: Robot Chicken
The Beatles- Blackbird: Grant
Five For Fighting- 100 years: Kenny Driving at age 6, corn mazes in Michigan
Danger Radio- Slow Dance With A Stranger: Crazy crowd at the metro in august with my best friends

those are only the ones that reminded me of stuff on shuffle for 10 mintues haha.


HAPPY BIRTHDAY RYAN ROSS!

Automatic eyes/doyouwantmetostay/ doyouwantmetogo

crazy day.
3 tests.
and treated the way no human should treat another.
where is your pride and dignity?
you have a whole lifetime on me.
and still i hold more maturity than you ever will.
i dont understand.

on a lighter note.
i love findind people like me where you dont expect them.

weekend yay.
missing DIMMN boo.
game boo.
apps boo.
sleeping in? yay.

-Dakota-
i know our love is new
i barely know you
i've fallen over you
its the way you do the things you do
taht make me fall in love with you
dakota, are you in love with me too?
-A Rocket To The Moon

<3 love that song.
dedicated to someone special.

but to a real dakota.
rather a kansas.
Dear kansas,
your life always was a wreck, one proble after another
you hide it well
but now you have nothing more to hide it behind
because you keep withering away
until nothing is left
your own life will need support
and now shoved out of your home
too bad you pushed me away
and we went into our seperate lives
i would still be there for you
had you given me the chance
now all i get is a lonely glance when we pass
its so sad
the love we had, a shared place in life
its odd how we both still share those memories
but we are so far from eachother now
and the thrid of us
just looks at me and smiles with regret and apologetic eyes
because of the way i was deflected
and forgotten
shes sorry.
i dont know what you are
i dont know who you are
..at least anymore
...or maybe thats only what i believe
maybe youre stil the same underneath those bones
cause its all youve got left.


why hide it, you all know who it is.
circa2005

Life Lesson #17- be non-judgemental

Atop my book sits a pile of pills.

Clinton Sparks.- turn on your speakers.

screw you and your mixtape propaganda.
stop, only the lake effect kids earned it.

yay its tuesday.
i have time to do...nothing!
ahh what i relief.
heres what i do in my free time:


ahh yes, me time.

now that school has started, it seems i have lost all things interseting that can happen in a day.
except for that today in light of the new CFOB mixtape, while talking abotu parts of trees in Biology class, Jessica screamed "HEH STUMP!"...we couldnt stop laughing for 10 minutes.
Other than that...i collected bugs for bio specimen.
ew gross.
1 bee
1 wasp
1 moth
1 spide
4 ants
1 chinese beetle

anyways...vegimite.


hahaha
oh TAI tv...oh how i love you.

p.s. as much as i am a lake effect kid, i think its a new way to market. watch the OCKs become LEKs.
why cant anyone just leave it as it is?
one pure song, for the kids who run on bass vibrations and the skyline
and the night lights of the sears tower pump your heart, and yes...in our viens.

“what iF this is ALL over fOr Us? -will They Be OkaY?- is thIS the end or JUST the BEGINNING?”

HOLLY FALL OUT BOY!
---> Fall Out Boy Is Just Beginning.

ahhhhh! NEW FALL OUT BOY!
i was screaming during lunch when dan sent me clips
ah i think everything will be ok with them at my side. haha!
its kindof ironic how they guided me through the past 4 years and now will be guiding me through my senior year with another album.
O
M
G

and as far as sunday goes read dans blog:
.http://digmyowngrave.tumblr.com/
because im too lazy to type it all myself
=]
ahh sooo happy!

anyways.
homework in every subject...
...practice until 6...
...work until 8...

=[ boo i miss my time on my computer and doing nothing.
im having a really hard time letting go of fun.
haha

asdkjfhdalkjfha
more later
love for now.

like oh my god i like her

ah too much to say.
amazing day.
i'll update later, no time right now
a day full of irony and frantic thoughts.
heh

soon im putting up a list of things people dont know about me.
and heres something:

i want to be someones everything.
why do i always want instant gratification?
i dont know why i thought you could save me.
my thoughts are tripping over themselves.

i want not to want

shut up shut up shut up brain.

i miss this face.

=[

what a cutie he was.

my jakey.10/25

explain to me...

-->...this conspiracy against me.

I watched Waynes World with these on.
I realized that me and my best friend are totally Wayne and Garth.
...but less "like duh"
mhm.
lazy -saturday.
too tired.

remember when me and my best friends snuck into the city?
yeah, i do too.
elation at its best.
summers last glimpse was a glance behind my shoulder at diamonds shining over a lake
with the finest at my side
grit below the feet
and same in my teeth
dont make me leave it all behind
because im tied
binded to a place
no ropes
just heart strings
played over the buzz of a highway
-just drive-

"you can dream us out of here, but were not leaving"

I love playing along

...Folie a Deux

est l'amour.../\

throwing
tumbling
into a mess
you are doing this for fun
and we take it seriously
falling tripping
into your trap
why do we wreck ourselves over this?
to be one step ahead of the rest
but baby, someones always got one up on you
no matter who you are
and the ones at the top
dont need to be topped
because they know we are only puppets
controled by their strings


i woke up this morning blinded by the sun shining in my eyes, i didnt mind it one bit

3:14am.

[cryptic]

so yesterday in the middle of practice, aka hell, where my coach calls us shitty and fat and acts like a 5 year old, i was sitting there, dispising her when i looked up onto the ugly yellow ceilings and saw a bit of a rainbow on the wall. It was from one of the lights or something but then i had a thought. Thats kind of what life was about, taking your mind out of some shitty gym where everyone is angry at eachother and finding the rainbow. finding happiness in every small moment, because at one point there is ALWAYS something to be happy about, even the smallest things. Its the way to create peace of mind and a state of happiness. Hm... as you can see... or not if you didnt know me before, ive changed the way i think in the past year. so im one redic happy person.


P.S. big mystery: citizensforourbetterment.com
odd things are about.

My Beautiful Rescue

"I'm insane. I don't know whats wrong with me. Somewhere along the line, i lost it. My Brain cracked. I'm Crazy. I have fallen apart. Who am I, Where did I go?"
"I find it hard to have mercy with the things you've put us through."
&
" I Love You"

Do the two balance out?
________________________________________
I've been jumping from the tops of buildings.
For the thrill of the fall.
Ignoring sound advice.
And any thought of consequence.
My bones are shattered.
My pride is shattered.
And in the midst of this self-inflicted pain.
I can see my beautiful rescue.

I'm falling more in love.
With every single word I withhold.
I'm falling more in love.
With every single word you say.
I'm falling head-over-heels for you.

I've been dancing on the tops of buildings.
At the top of my lungs I'm singing you a song.
Don't you leave me alone.
My bones were shattered.
My pride lays shattered.
Well I'll trample my pride and tell the whole world.
To dance with me.

I'm falling more in love.
With every single word I withhold.
I'm falling more in love.
With every single word you say.
I'm falling head-over-heels for you again.

I'm crying out.
"Wash my hands, these bloody hands Lord. Open my mouth and I'll sing."

I'm falling more in love.
With every single word I withhold.
I'm falling more in love.
With every single word you say.
I'm falling head-over-heels for you.

I've been dancing on the tops of buildings.
With you.



.peace.peace.peace.

so this is see you later, im not into goodbyes

hey summer, see you later.

i'm not sure what it is, but i know the summer is ending but i really dont feel like its completely over. Maybe its because summer never really leaves me at all. for me, its forever.
But i suppose every word i read about it ending, just brings me closer to having to say to myself: its over
just like the one i just read: One Last Time.

I'm going to miss driving with the windows open.
Driving at night in a car full of friends and laughter.
Doing whatever i want allll day.
Having time to connect with people everywhere
Staying up late just to get in trouble
Intense talks that go into the morning
Taking in everything around me
Times with all my best friends at one place
Always doing something even when theres nothing
Spontaneous summer decisions
Picking out Irony with the only kids who will understand it

So tomorrow as i sit down in a classroom, ill be thinking of what i should be doing, who i should be with. I'll sit there and think of my best friends and how we should be together.
Will i forget who i have become?
will i forget the lessons i've learned?
please, i hope not.

i am not scared for tomorrow or worried.
i am just having a hard time parting with my summer.
Yesterday can be summed up like this:
If I could spend the night underneath the starry sky then I wouldn't have to sin to lie.
If I could spend the night underneath your starry eyes then I wouldn't have to say goodbye
Goodbye skyline, I'll be just fine.

Here's to the nights that turned into mornings and the friends that turned into family.

love you kids.

you can never take the summer from me.

here it is.
the last horrah.
Summer is over.
I can't believe it.
[this will probably be long, so heres a forewarning]
Where do i even begin.
This summer was just simply, amazing.
Nothing will ever compare, and while i mourn the loss, i can only look back at it with happy memories.
I have learned more than i ever have from any classroom this summer.
Mostly what i have learned is about family, friends and relationships.
I learned although sad i dont have one, i dont need a guy to make me happy.
I have learned that there are incredible people out there if you look hard enough,
there are more than you think
and at any moment in time, you are NOT alone.
and friends come in all shapes and sizes and ages
and whether your friends live across the street or across the country, all that matters is that you were ever brought together at all.
To my summer friends, who i will never forget, you will never wrap your heads around how much you mean to me, and what i have learned from you, you can never take away from me, and what you have given me, even without knowing, i will take it with me forever and where ever. You have taught me so much, and have made me grow in ways i didn't think i could and you have all built me up to be this incredible person i never thought i had the potential to be.
this especially goes out to my fam. The 7 of you, are incredible people. dont let anyone ever tell you differently. You all mean so much to me, who you are right here and right now, dont ever forget it, because you have changed me for the better.
These memories i will hold in my eart forever because these past months i have never laughed harder, smiled more, been happier, or loved anyone as much as i have all of you.
At the beginning of the summer, i was a mess. But someone told me i was going to do great things. It was all i had ever wanted to hear. I knew i had to set out to do something big, and find what it was. What i ended up finding, was myself.
i also realized that i have goten everything i have asked for this summer.
I asked for love, and found it in every way BUT that which i expected and in every place i looked.
I cant really think of everything i asked for, but i know i got it.
Its hard to see it go, and i know no one could live this fast for this long. But like they say "You have to love it while you still got it, because when something wants to go, you have to let it go."
and i will not try to drag it on, because it was a good run, and everything was perfect.
Because after it all, ill always look back and smile, and isnt that all we can really ask for?
i believe it is.
so tomorrow, i will probably cry, and hold on to the peopel i care about most and who they are now. and hope things wont change: because its my greatest fear right now, that i will loose it all.
But i still have 2 days.
tomorrow: back to where it all began, the city, my first love<3

and hopefully there will be one last lesson to be learned, one more person to love, and one more time to feel completely free
=]
peace.Love.SummerFOREVER

Greetings From Pheonix

Talking to my 'sister' on the phone.
In school in Pheonix, AZ
i miss her so much.
She makes me laugh so hard.
ahh its quite lonely without her to call me all the time and tell me whats going on in California.


p.s.
thoughts right now: you can take the kids from the summer, but you can never take the summer from me.

Saying Sorry

Dear Everyone,
I am sorry that i was in such a bad mood today.
Im not sure what it is.
I'm feeling a lot, my head hit the ceiling, and I'm not sure what to call my headache.
Does anyone even read this?
hm.
I'm thinking how today i felt that i missed someone, and that i wanted to be with someone. and couldn't name anyone in particular.
How confusing. maybe what i need is to just be alone (even though that's everything I've been trying to avoid)
tonight i was driving listening to brokencyde, wearing a white oxford button-down, wearing dirty converse, hair not done and wavy.
Hm. a bit of everything in there.

I should really delete that entire rant.
because no one will understand it and im just writing by stream of conscious, but for anyone that reads it, heres a little bit more of me, and a look inside my head.
Mixed and Jumbly.

diamonds seem like broken glass to me

went to the mall today.
Woodfield. How Crazy.
you see so many different types of people
and yes I'm guilty of sizing each and every one of them up
comparing, contrasting, jealous or not.
Bought some stuff, yay!
if there is one thing my family believes in, its fashion.
[this machine kills fashion-ism]
my dad is so funny to take to the mall because he knows everything about every company, article of clothing, and up and coming fashion.
I hope he takes me to the magic show one year with him=[

lucky man, he leaves for Las Vegas (lost wages) in a week to join the ranks of many companies showing what they have, and all the celebrity's show up to The Magic Show, which is the magic fashion business's conventon trade show that they hold every year in Las Vegas.
Last year Audrey Kitching was there...I'd be so excited to see her.
and i just hear awesome stories of all the things he gets to see before they come out and all the lines he sees before they get big (i.e. Urban Outfitters, Metro Park, H&M, DEMO) and then tells me about what will be cool in the next year. haha so funny

(sorry to go off topic) -->sat in an expensive jewelery store for an hour while my dad looked at watches
"This one is just under 4 thousand, and this one is just under 9 thousand".
???????????????????????????
who would ever spend that on something to tell time?!
hm. maybe its just because things like diamonds and gold and silver don't attract me,
its whats on this inside of a person that pulls me in.

so watched this video today
of fall out boy
oh how i miss them
when Patrick showed up on F'n MTV yesterday i screamed like nuts, and watching him and Pete together is like seeing two old friends again.
Because Pete is all famous now and i hardly ever see Patrick
i miss them.
recently i forgot how much they mean to me, and how much of them are in me.
maybe its because last summer with HCT i got to see them every few days in their videos and saw them 3 times in concert.
but i do miss them and no matter what, i owe too much to them to ever not like them. maybe one day ill do an entire blog on them.
but theres so much to be said.

finding ourselves without losing eachother

i'm thinking:
i wish people came with pass codes and invites to be my friend.
then i could easily sort out who is genuine from those who are not.
but maybe thats half the fun (these mistakes are just part of the ride)
a special wink, nod and medallion to know youre in
because what i've already got is like a VIP club, your waiting along the velvet rope, youre dying to get in...
but theres still blank spots on the guest list.
because i'm only half searching anymore and Youre the one who wants in, this time its my choice
p.s. you wouldnt give it to me, you always have to one up me.
but heres some news, i just can't beat you, you know it. just admit it.


and a shoutout: your mouth is writing checks your heart cant cash.

is it coincidence or a sign?

i want to feel like this again, taking chances on truckstops and state lines

so i am really slacking at this blog.
we've all fallen to the wayside a bit.
I hope we don't continue to slide.

Listening to Fast Times At Barrington High- new The Academy Is... album.
it's pretty chill
takes me back to high school...and im not even out?!...huh?
well...these are the fast times.
nothing has stuck or stuck out yet
so far, its good but mediocre.
Paper Chase is pretty poppy though (meelikey)
is it just me or does
His Girl Friday/ Summer Hair kinda sound the same.
thats ok, i still love you Adam T. Siska.

So nothing too interesting lately.
sending a package to faraway place.
lost in thoughts.
squeezing every last drop of sun and memories made out of these last few days of summer.
There will be a big long blog on the last day before school talking about everything.

for now I'll leave you with someone, by someone i thought i knew:
I'm cutting corners getting caught up in touch screens
and no more 'touch me''s
jumbled, I'm a mess
caught and tangled in the web
loosing data between the hard drives of our brains .
Finding myself again in old worn out records that started everything
pulling me back the the core
making me feel the way i used to before my technological addiction
when obsession and love were one
when innocence and purity were getting lost in the dark
and before i ever had you
oddly enough it feels the same way it did last time
only this time i can read the weathered lines on your face
the valleys that are your sunken eyes and cracked cement that is your conscience- because somethings you can't heal- well covered up but scarred none the less

- young love is ruthless, so learn to fly

nightmare before...4:30.

i just woke up from a nightmare.
I'm pretty sure everyone from this summer was in it.
I was on a cruise, saying hi to everyone
and then horrible things started happening
and i was hearing horrible things.
and everyone around me started to drop dead.

and what i do remember is screaming at 3 certain people, "you cant leave me, youre all i have". While looking for other certain people.

im pretty sure this is some odd metaphor for my fear of losing the relationships ive built up this summer.
Hmph.

A Loser Can Win Whenever They Want To.

Location: The Metro.

Concert Ticket: $12
Train: $5
Bus: $2
Posters: $1
meeting new people and being nuts with your best friends: priceless.
[for everything else theres MasterCard]...wait i don't even use mastercard. whatever.


tooo tooo fun last night.

Jessica, Alanna and I got on train after picking up jess and eating an entire frozen pizza. mmm.
To say the least, we had no idea where we were going. Phrase on the train? "Just follow the cubs fans!"
so we got off at Irving Park, followed the sea of blue, to a bus stop.
We had no idea where the bus would take us, but we got on anyways.
The girl in front of us drank a whole small bottle of whiskey herself (saw her getting off the train and she looked pretty bad) and the guy next to us was starting songs every 10 seconds, and no fan bus ride would be complete without "the wheels on the bus" (WTF)...my thoughts exactly.

so we get to the stop, get off and walk right up to the metro, and met up with dan and company. We sat outside CIWWAFS tour bus and watched the band walk in and out. I was overly excited to see Shaant. But bummed out later when i realized how rude he is about everything. oh well, he is still beautiful to me.
At 5:30, the doors opened and we moved on in, into second row for Danger Radio.




of course, i am in love with them NOW. AFTER seeing them. it always happens, at least i saw them at all=]

They put on a great show, tons of fun, just dancing and so much energy[well me at least, and maybe the kinds in the middle too].

Next was Powerspace, who i also love. Although their performance wasn't the best, it did have good energy and i enjoyed hearing new material, but hey Alec, next time play more oldies!!!

After PowerSpace, there was a crowd serge and i ended up facing backwards and smashed...needless to say we left the pit and headed to merch.
We met Andrew DeTorres, the lead singer of Danger Radio, and Alec. Then we headed upstairs to watch Cute.




But not before our savior Kate sent a text telling us William Cox was in the building! AHH! WILLIAM!
oh how we love him.
so we chatted with William for a bit, then headed up to watch CIWWAF.
we lurked, we danced, we sang, we screamed, we took lots of pictures.
Then headed out to meet Jeff, see william again, see a surprise appearance by HEY CHRIS!(bff of FOB), and then head towards Pick Me Up Cafe, only to get there, haev to turn around and get frustrated by finding NO cabs. But we did run into William again, and he gave me a hug, and of course i felt better then.
So we headed back towards the metro, (Like the gay man said, what does it take to get a Cab in this city? for god's Sakes im almost home), and found a cab.


took Lake Shore Drive home...the most magical, beautiful place in Chicago to see the city, i love that road, its my favorite place in Chicago.

Got back to the train with 15 minutes left.
The train ride home hilarious.
We were all way too slap happy, quoting everything possible and just being weirdos.




Bottom Line of the night, i love the city,
i love my friends, i love shows, and i love my life.=]=]=]

no one is telling me the speed i should be traveling.

too lazy to recap tonight

but amazing fun.

<3 metro.

will update tomorrow with pictures.

<3

Glamourous. Flossy Flossy.

So topic of todays blog:
My Obsession with HannaBeth.

i swear if i ever meet her, i will cry.

She is always flawless and perfect
and she has killer style.

how did she get so famous? i'd like to know.
because im totally jealous.

i know she probably has problems like everyone...
but from the outside her life looks awesome.
and if i could be anyone for a day, it would totally be her.

love her so much, i bought matching sunglasses.

and one more for my Brat Pack/ Fam

Dance until we just can't
Clappin our hands to the songs
And keep dancin around to the joyful sound that the band plays
As his smiling face just shines away
It's moving through town as big as a train
April, May, June and July we'll hang outside
August through February all the time
Taking our way through March
Hanging out always till this starts
Over and over again you promise that it won't end
So I will try to find a rhyme to thank you again

And how I, I am not into the idea of living without you
And I, I am not into the idea of being without you
And no this won't be a sad song
There's going to be claps and singing along
Cause sad songs about now, well that would just feel wrong

Beautiful colors they came from you
So this ones goes out to the reds and yellows and blues
And of course I cant forget all the beautiful colors on the day that we first met
So I will never know the right way to say thanks
for all those nights and days you spend hanging out
But that's what this is about

How I, I am not into the idea of living without you
And I, I am not into the idea of being without you
From http://6lyrics.com
And no, this won't be a sad song
There's going to be claps and singing along

Cause you're there when to talk and you're there not to stop and you're with me

Around the clock.. You are! You are!
Around the clock - Yes you are around the clock...

And just so ya'll know everyone else is not

So I, I am not into the idea of living without you
And I, I am not into the idea...

And no, well this won't be a sad song
There's gonna be claps and singing along
Cause you're there when you talk and you're there not to stop
And you're with me... around the clock, all around the clock.

to all of you summer boys and girls, my new found bestfriends:

I just ran into a few someones today
Someones that I never really knew
And I used to think how I had them all so figured out

But no, none of it's true cuz I never knew you
And now the truth of it is, is I wanna be like you
So hello, good friend, I wanna be next to you
For my head, for my heart, for whats true

So I'm burning the thoughts of the things that I once said
Because you tore down the walls that the world has put inside my head
And I just get sick of things that we think, we think we know

And no, none of it's true cuz I never knew you
And now the truth of it is, is I wanna be like you
So hello, good friend, I wanna be next to you
For my head, for my heart, for whats true

So take me and save me and change me and then make me
And embrace me and then brave my heart for you
No, No, cuz I can't go on without you
And it's time for something we never knew

And no, none of it's true cuz I never knew you
and now the truth of it is, is I wanna be like you
So hello, good friend, I wanna be next to you
For my head, for my heart, for whats true

And as they strolled along
My heart broke out in song
From all the things and the thoughts and assumptions that I had wrong
See now I'll be on my way to make this claim
I'll make it famous in everyway
I'll make it stay when I will say that...

No, none of it's true cuz I never knew you
And now the truth of it is, is I wanna be like you
So hello, good friend, I wanna be next to you
For my head for my heart for whats true

one of THOSE nights, when you leave me for no reason, ill give you a reason.

home videos of jess and tay= no wonder we have no friends, were so weird.

So, if it is possible to fall more in love with someone, i have. Oh I have:
Alex Marshall, marry me?



anyways. can't wait to send this wonderful package of goodies to a friend.
Yay

Making a video with my friends was hilarious.
can't give too many deets about it yet, because it must be watched first.
Its a surpriseeee
so shhhh.

p.s. putting this out there: im the most jealous person in the world. i hate it. but i can't help it.

one more observation: i have been living like no tomorrow.
no one can live this fast, this long.
it all must come to an end sooner or later.
oh how i will miss these summer days.
and oh how i am horrified we will all lose what we haev built up this summer.
unbreakable or breakable bond?
you all tell me.

HI, I'm Sorry.

if i seriously just fucked up everything i have been building for the past 3 months, i am going back to hating life. and the old me.
who i hated.
this is just rediculous.
and i know it won't matter and all be ok in 2 days
but right now i am so upset.
Sorry i said it, i didn't mean it.
i admire you, you already knew that.
so why should one little comment towards you set you off so much?
ughim so mad at myself.
i knew i shouldn't have.

"How about- a loud scream in a durf?"

Mad Libs, rockstar style.
Hahah.
Dan and jess came over tonight.
and we played a game. and we played with the labler.
Oh what fun we had:
Dan is fuzzy.
maybe he will sing my guyliner!
hmm...firm.
whats a cougar?
Chile? Why?..this interview is over!
Oh My Gatz!
Lonestar Girls are crazy!
Bomb.
Legit+Brutal+Fierce

too much fun.
can i ever say enough how much i love my best friends?!

so earlier today i had to deal with a devil child at work.
Yesterday she dumped water on me, today she punched me, pinched me and poked me.
laugh as you want. BUT I WAS GETTING BEAT UP BY AN 11 YEAR OLD!...i can truely say i am SCARED of her. oh well, what i teach is respect, not friendship. as georgia would say " Time to put a firm horn down on the red bomosity"....But this isn't botomosity...it's monstrosity.

Also went to marquette this morning.
a beautful campus i could see myself in for sure.
No stories worth telling about though.

4am two hours ago, im wearing out a lonely glow

Greetings from 6AM!

getting ready for a tour of marquette.
[only because its right next to the rave!]
Late night, early morning again.

I was just thinking about things.
How you can't change people,
how i hope my life just doesn't turn into whats on a computer screen,
college,
my best friends,
what i am getting myself into
and what i already have gotten myself into.

hm.
ponder. ponder.

so yes, thats all for now, ill be back later with...more updates?
ha, to all ofyou that read this.
I love you and you're amazing.
cause you care to know whats up.
horray to you.

Call Me!

like blondie says....
Call Me.

SayNow is free, but your cell phone carrier may charge you for receiving text messages.

I'm Casually Obsessed, I am indifferent yet.

I'm every cliche, but i simply do it best

[i love the juxtaposition of this, its my favorite]



OK, so LEGIT. is now in my vocab. I'm obsessed with it, I'm not sure why. and the Hanna Beth/Jac Vanek Brutal Bracelets. god i love them.

Late night. early morning.

Last night was so...not me? I'm not sure. What i did wasn't me, i vowed against it...although i only slightly veered off course.

today i ran errands and bought school supplies for under privileged kids
charity work does make you feel better!
and spent time with an old friend.
its funny how some people will always know you inside and out.
it made me realized either i haven't changed since i was 7,
or Em just understands me too well.

today was the first day of cheer leading clinic, where i work.
an 11 year old said BOSS NASTY to me...pardon me?!
and all the 8th graders who think they are too hot for it just roll their eyes at me.
i hate bad attitudes.
i have a bad attitude.
im a hypocrite. at least i know it.

Missing my friends=[
erk, twinnys, jessers.

Heard from my "sister" today.
she is my other half, and i treat her like my little sister.
She is in Arizona in reform school right now after a pretty bad episode last fall.
Shes had a hard time, and i pray for her all the time.
Today, she got to come home for a week and sent me a text telling me i was her strength when everyone else backed out, she loved me very much, and i keep her going, and when she is down she thinks of when i came to visit in CA and we spent an awesome day at the beach, not caring about anything just having a good time
and how hard we laughed when we both became lobsters at the end of the day
it was that kind of little kid thing where you dont care and are silly.
People do not just dish out things like that to me everyday, she makes me thankful for who i have in my life.

something i want to leave you with today, is count your blessings, i know its so cliche, but honestly, look at what you have in life. and dont over look anything and especially anyone.
i know i don't =]