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    Wednesday, December 31, 2008

    New Years Resolutions

    1) Go To More Parties
    2) Fall In Love
    3) Appreciate More
    4) Put My Head Above Everything That Is Wrong
    5) Be More Independent
    6) Learn THis: The Things You Are Most Terrified To Do Are Often The Things That End Up Being The Most Fun
    7) Write More
    8) Establish Myself
    9) Not Loose Contact With People
    10) Be Better

    My Top 15 of 2008

    15) Going to my first "legit people" party
    14) The Rave AP tour
    13) Seeing FTSK @ the mall (what a fun day)
    12)The Rave for The Really Really Ridiculously Good Looking Tour
    11) The Rocket Summer Tour
    10) Fall Formal
    9) meeting the fam/ establishing the brat pack/ Establishing the LSGs
    8) Getting "My Box"/ All that had to do with it
    7) Stalking.
    6) Gilson Beach
    5) THE CAB...album/show @ the rave/ show @ HOB
    4) State and Madison Coming To Fremd
    3) Getting involved in Chicago Music
    2)Warped Tour/ Warped Tour Day @ 6 Flags

    this is all subject to change as i remember things throughout the day

    Saturday, December 20, 2008

    Wednesday, December 17, 2008

    dear Bedussy, im the anthem for what you've become

    and i want it so bad
    i'd shoot the sunshine right into my veins

    here is my anthem: detoxjusttoretox

    and this is my story:
    You can only blame your problems on the world for so long
    Before it all becomes the same old song
    As soon as we hit the hospital, I know we're gonna leave this town

    im running in a circle
    in and out of hospitals
    all those white walls look the same these days
    im screaming because i feel nothing
    but when i do it comes from the pit
    and makes me shudder
    i'd never whimpered before you
    balled up on the ground
    small and shaking
    in a dark corner
    like the last letter you wrote to her
    that you balled up and tossed behind you because you couldnt get the words just right
    but i get it now.
    you never wanted to.
    you never wanted to let go.
    im just a ploy,
    like perfect boys.
    no body wants to hear you sing about tragedy

    Monday, December 15, 2008

    may i ask...

    ...who actually reads this misery business?
    let me know.

    Sunday, December 14, 2008

    i had forgotten what pulled me in

    Citizens For Our Betterment Recap from citizens for our betterment on Vimeo.
    feels like summer

    these prisoners drag on, ball and chain and all

    (M) h Y s L O p
    Titles are allowed to be lame if there’s good material afterwards…so lets hope this is good.

    I’ll help you find what’s inside. I’ll try and make everything all right. Don’t you ever put on a mask for me, I need to know everything. Someones gotta keep you alive. Gotta find a ball and chain to prove to you that I’ll always be here. Funny because a ball and chain is usually used as a metaphor about being locked down to something you want to get away from. But I want to stay right here. I’ll find you your sunshine even if it kills me. Because when you get your sunshine, I can finally have mine.

    awwwwwww i love him!

    Saturday, December 13, 2008

    jealousy lies where their fingers wrap around each other

    i cannot force these hands to make things that cannot be made
    but i will try to force them to do things that they were not made to do
    i'm pushing so hard these days to feel anything
    anything with these hands
    the same hands that never gave me a talent
    and are hard enough to look at
    these hands that could not be collegiate
    could not make symphonies
    could not write the words worth reading
    could not make a better daughter
    could not stop you form poisoning yourself
    could not reach fourpoint "oh"
    these hands that hold everything worth wanting
    but nothing inside
    the hands that have no others to hold
    smash them and they will break into a million pieces
    because they are hollow these days
    and i cannot do anything or say anything that will fill them
    just empty
    like porcelain figures
    along with this face
    they're the same
    painted beauty on the outside
    beautiful dolls
    with frills and diamonds
    but on the inside
    no color
    and cold
    and hollow
    sitting on the top shelf collecting dust
    to sit and be admired
    but never touched
    and so everyone heeds this warning
    like i wear it upon this porcelain back with these hollow cold hands

    Wednesday, December 10, 2008

    this is just an accident

    nothing compares to this sinking feeling
    gravity pushes down on the hole in my chest
    and slides right down to my stomach
    and sits there
    like a virtue spoiled
    like a dream deferred
    it hurts.
    but i've built it up and kept these walls dammed and patched up before
    and i've turned out fine
    its only a matter of time
    before i become the same
    with a few more patches
    in the sea of my body

    who knew 3 words could feel the way someone holding you does:
    we'll be ok

    about a [boy and a] girl


    Tuesday, December 9, 2008

    after all these years

    they still understand
    we've never met but they touch every aspect of me:

    you can only blame your problems on the world for so long
    before it all becomes the same old song
    as soon as we hit the hospital, i know we're gunna leave this town

    in the end

    Monday, December 8, 2008



    i never knew you in the first place
    so maybe its just unraveling after all this time

    Sunday, December 7, 2008

    Phoe Lee

    without you, I'm just me
    you know who you are, just fill in the picture in my mind with the memories you have of us

    Friday, December 5, 2008

    and i told her, welcome home

    you ask me where my love lies...

    Thursday, December 4, 2008