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    Thursday, July 31, 2008

    hey miss sobriety, do you remember me? or how to say my name?



    Sweet Photo Shoot Today!

    the pictures turned out incredible
    =]
    yay


    miracles happen everyday, you just have to see them.
    in people.
    in things.
    in words they say.
    in events that happen.
    in the good times you have.

    look for one everyday. i found mine for the day:


    IM: [about what i said earlier] this is all you could ever ask from a girl
    for her to see you be happy, and believe in whatever you do
    and i truely care alot about you too. whenever theres a day you need someone, whatever the case, ill be here. or there. or somewhere. but you will always have me because i have taken a part of into my bottomless heart, and it will stay there the rest of my life.

    i am blessed to have such a wonderful person present in my life, i can't say it enough. unrequitted love. in love. to love someone. its all there.
    Heartswell: you will know the definition, and know what it is the second you feel it. This person gives me a heart swell everytime, i say something about all this everyday, but its just because no one can possibly get their heads around how much this all means to me, not even me sometimes.<3

    I'm heading up to Wisconsin tomorrow.
    with 2 old friends.
    i am rather nervous, becaues last time i was with them both, they were cruel to me. but then again i am being forced.

    I am happy to say that clear skies lie ahead, at least for a little bit.

    After Wisconsin

    IS WARPED TOUR!!


    and to think i have been waiting since fall 2007, near tears of excitement, plannign what i am going to wear for a year, and still dont know.


    HAPPY BIRTHDAY HARRY POTTER!!!!!!!!!

    Wednesday, July 30, 2008

    i took a chance, i took a fall.

    stealing lines


    I'm proud i am able to put myself on the line.

    and you re perfect, perfectly 1000 miles away.

    "You know I'd walk a thousand miles, if i could just see you, tonight..."

    stupidly falling, for someone who would catch me

    but cant, wants to, but cant...its distance.

    yet succeeds in making me happy, all the time

    Something real, and so far away.

    "before i met you, i used to dream you up and make you up in my mind"

    Maybe, maybe one day.

    Incredible.

    You "amaze me, and i would be there holding on for life"

    Currently listening to: Save by The Rocket Summer.

    I'm not feeling touch,
    I'm not making that much,
    And I guess I am blessed,
    But sometimes its just hard to see it,
    or such.

    I'm stuck here alone in the traffic lines,
    While couples in love in the H-O-V fly by,
    I don't get it,
    I'm not asking for much,
    But everybody wants to just have.. something.

    So I'll be picking me up,
    Breaking me down,
    I was lost, was i found?
    I wanna feel everything.
    When everything feels wrong with me.
    Take a look,
    Embrace myself.
    Everybody wantes to make it count.

    Save me,
    Cause I can never float.
    Sinking..
    Amaze me,
    And I would be there holding on for life.

    Tuesday, July 29, 2008

    Save me, cause I can never float, sinking...


    Clear Head, Clear Skies



    Currently: Thanking God for the kids i have in my life

    This past month has emotionally trying.

    seeing as my family is...a wreck...

    im throwing myself into different families.

    And ive made my own, and i couldnt be happier with them.

    yes, it has lead me into somewhat of a problem in certain spots, but i'm happy.

    Last night the cops were at my house...again. For the...lets see...4th time in 5 months?
    Im being as strong as possible..." I get by with a little help from my friends"
    I try to stay positive, and hide it, and keep myself in a peace of mind. And yes, i am at peace, for the most part.

    ...im not really sure what i am saying here, but i knew i just had to write something down. Because im caught up in "I'm sorries", "I'll Changes"
    ... Keep your coins, i want change

    Thank you to those who back me up, to those who lift me when i'm down, who dont ask questions when they dont need to be asked, and love me for me, no matter what my past.

    Love. Love. Love
    [all you need is love]


    p.s. last night was so fun.
    "Silly, its not my birthday until October"+ too much rockstar+ dear, ipod+ guess the band+ Rock band
    =
    a night that ROCKeD.

    <3

    Monday, July 28, 2008

    be careful whatyou wish for...

    ... because i just realized...i got everything i asked for this summer.

    Sunday, July 27, 2008

    ADMIT IT!!!-say anything.

    yes, i hate to admit this. I don't want to. But i think i have to stop lying to myself.

    yeah, i'm falling.
    i don't want to.
    but i am.
    for someone who i really care for.

    i guess i have been all along.

    nothing will happen, and i think i like it that way.

    i just wish i knew the other point of view.

    and i suppose there is 2 people.
    but one is out of the question, impossible if you will.
    the other is...well, not too far off from that either.


    but on a lighter note!
    here are some pics from Hell, i mean camp.









    P.S.: it's possible to be in love with more than one person:

    "Ill think of you when im on my honeymoon!"

    RECAP!!

    so we get on the train...and i have never ever seen the train that packed...EVER!

    me and alanna and jess got smashed between a bachelor party and stoner kids.

    yay. the bachelor party was a RIOT! though, talking to alanna about their professions, drinking from their hip flasks, all while joking with their 90 year old father about being high and dreaming of alanna on their honeymoon. AWK!

    then we got there, and hauled ass to get to HOB.

    BUT NOT WITHOUT A STOP AT 711 FOR DANS ROCKSTAR!...he is addicted, and can't help it.

    security there is a bitch.

    we get there and first person i see is my buddy Kyle Dee.

    the love i have for him is endless, what a sweet kid.

    and THE RAC. <3

    i loved hanging with my favorite kids<3
    they make me love life. and appreciate everything and everyone i have.
    they are incredible friends.
    in the pit, out of the pit, getting punched, getting trash talked, sweating, walking, running...we do it all. and i would do any of it for them, they all mean the world to me.
    and i have to say...HAVE THE GREATEST DAY OF YOUR LIFE!

    shout out to my ever growing brat pack... aka The Fam






    Saturday, July 26, 2008

    I don't want to be alone...

    Home From Hell!
    hip
    hip
    horray.

    i must say that camp is one of the most dificult things you will ever do mentally. i know it sounds like a complete JOKE. But all day in a room of 400 screaming girls, all giving you dirty looks, talking about your team and your skills, and your teaming getting frustrated and screaming and bitching at eachother you have to find peace within yourself to keep trying and pushing on. Its also hard to watch some give up on you...and to find it in yourself to keep going.

    best part of camp?
    face planting and totally eating it.
    i have the scrapes to prove it.

    now im home=]

    went to another show at house of blues tonight with my FAVVVSSS
    got to hang with kyle dee<3
    and my crack is smelly (aka: The Rac, M. Sleeze, Mike Racanelli)

    pretty fun=]
    we saw some good sights tonight:
    the city at night
    ABC news
    State Street
    Crazy Chicago People at night
    Hot Azn Buns
    stoners on a train

    and god forgive me, i stole from the house of blues...a guitar pick. oops

    well thats all i have for you.
    except for a little picture from our game on the train:
    fit who you love in 8 blanks on your KNUCKS!

    Wednesday, July 23, 2008

    greetings from hell!!!

    currently reporting from a hotel room in a holiday inn in Tinley Park, IL. 12 hours of cheer leading is not my idea of fun. Oh man. Last time though! I figure that this cheer leading camp is the perfect chance for me to show I'm a better person. I'm trying not to gossip and talk bad, amongst 300 teenage girls, it's a rough task that I will admit, I have not been perfect at. Oh well tomorrow is anew day. But I'm happy to say that I didn't take my anger or frustration our on anyone and didn't displace it either. I maintained an ''ohm''...or personal peace of mind that is.
    Hopefully I can keep it up tomorrow.
    I'm missing you all:(

    <3

    Tuesday, July 22, 2008

    I Might Even Be A Rockstarrrr....*

    I am currently making a cd full of "Rock" themed songs.

    I am going to hell...aka cheerleading camp
    for 3 days

    from previous years:


    themes were Grease and 80s.

    i know you have all seen that scene in Bring It On when there is all the teams sitting aorund conversing about the spirit stick.
    and the one who drops it goes to hell...

    yeah, its all real



    and our teams theme is Rockstar.
    We are all dressing up like crazy 80s hairbands for the final night.

    oh it'll be a good time.

    the cab was FUCKING AMAZING.
    if it was possible to be more obsessed with the cab, uhhh it happened.
    He was so sweet, trying to get through security to take us backstage and meet them.
    and take us back to their hotel.

    some musicans are so kind to their fans, those are the bands that deserve it.
    and i was so proud he remembered my friend Danielle form when they hung out at the Rave.


    while at the house of Blues, i finally saw the struggle of musicans.
    There was a skinny little boy with a messenger bag and head phones on holding little promo slips passing them out to people as they left. Keep in mind this boy was tiny. He handed me a slip and i mentioned i had seen the promo Ad in AP magazine. He got so excited and said "thats me! thats my band!!!". it was adorable. then he said "because you mentioned our ad, i want to give you a free EP", how cool. Then as he walked away an over 300 pound, and way over 6 feet huge ass body gaurd grabbed him by the shoulder and spun him around. he attempted to grab his promo slip and was yellign at him and literaly shoved him out of the venue. That poor little boy probably has had them done to him like...20 times. but they do it because they love it, i was so impressed how he stood up to that security gaurd, and it really showed me determination. How these kids will keep pushing until they make it, and how a common love for something drives them. so shout out to whats his name in

    THE UNEMPLOYED

    youve got guts you tiny little man

    Monday, July 21, 2008

    A mouth that moves but fails to speak

    via iPod touch

    My stupid computer won't work.

    Last night I went to the dance across the country tour.

    And I saw the cab and danced with alex Marshall.

    That's all that matters.

    I have so much more to say about last night but my iPod is really annoying to type on so I shall report back later
    <3

    Saturday, July 19, 2008

    Tongue Tied and Terrified

    I'm sure as hell the happiest I've ever been

    We can't hide, we let go
    We've got more than we know
    My friends are a different breed
    My friends are everything

    Make this last, take it slow
    We've got it all figured out for now
    So let us live our lives without a doubt

    in need of some back up from Alex Gaskarth.


    I've got confidence that i will find the right path in life.
    It probably won't be conventional, but i've always known that
    I've got things a lot of other kids will never have
    I have wonderful things in my life I appreciate everyday
    And i know that I've got a good head on my shoulders

    ...im just terrified for the future.


    oh and p.s. i made an idiot out of myself last night.
    Thats ok.
    "thats what you get when you let your heart win."


    ...Couldn't make it anymore obvious, could you
    Be anymore obvious, could you?

    Tonight the headphones will deliever the words that i cant say

    ....a million miles away.

    oh man, for once.

    people make me happy
    and certain people more than others=]

    i asked. and asked. and asked.
    and got exactly what i wanted.

    be careful what you wish for.

    this year i've made friends all over the country.
    they mean the world to me
    and proved that there are amazing people everywhere

    if you look hard enough, you'll strike gold.
    and if you search deep enough within everyone, you'll find a little of yourself.
    amazing. amazing. amazing.
    Hearts over Money, big hearts are the victors again.
    and oh how sweet.
    "So Much Love In You.
    I'm Amazed that i'm talking to you"

    Some People are just Golden, and i don't throw that word around very often.
    ACtually not at all.
    I only know of 2 people who i have ever called that.

    a certain someone, holds a lot of me currently.
    and i'm hating myself for it.

    Currently Listening To: Goodbye Blues, The Hush Sound: Track 11



    Tomorrow, Cabulosity=]=]=]
    The Cab= LOVE
    Marshmellow, here i come.

    Friday, July 18, 2008


    I'll keep fingers crossed always for you
    i'll hope and wish and pray for you
    but never for you to come back to me,
    only to help you find a cure
    to fight your way out of the dark of this sickness
    i'll bade God himself to fight for you
    only to realize what you've done, and what you've lost
    i'll pray you find your way home
    the one where your heart is, and not where i am
    If the only antedote cannot stop this poison
    let me leave you along my path
    My wish if to only focus on that which is set in gold
    and for none of your combative malignant ways to weigh me down
    i only wish to walk along a path towards a dream
    and to leave you in my dust, never looking back
    whispering a secret prayer for you now and then
    i do not wish to see you again
    i hope you cry at the sight of us walking away
    i can feel this closer than ever
    i will miss you and your nurturing ways
    your support and pride
    but i would gladly push it aside for a chance and sober redemption
    and me to my seperate own

    Jungle Juice.



    today was a nice little trip up to Madison for a college visit. i was with an old friend, and old friend frmo the past both looking into our futures. ironic. but whenever we are together, its like we are 10 again. i have no idea WHAT we were laughing about. "Bout that time!"
    video

    Thursday, July 17, 2008

    narcissistic



    what is the big deal with myspace?
    I'm so obsessed.
    and now i have become

    A Narcissist.


    who isn't in their own way though?



    yesterday was probably one of the most amazing sights i have ever seen in Chicago.
    walking along Lake Michigan at Gilson beach at night
    full moon
    loud waves
    and fireworks to top it off
    needless to say, probably the most romantic thing i will ever do... alone?
    no just kidding. i was with my 2 best friends
    but i wish i could've shared it with someone
    but it did feel like we were at the right place at the right time for once in my life=]

    and its true alex gaskarth:

    Everybody's singing like they're crazy in love
    We made a dizzy mess of everything and it was enough
    So bring all the boys and all the girls together
    Well, they can take, take, take the kids from the summer
    But they'll never, never, never take the summer from me
    It was the very first time that I lost my mind for a week
    They can make, make, make me forget the weather
    If we'll never, never, never wash the sand from my feet
    It was the very last time that we said goodbye to the beach
    Showing off, showing off our teeth


    and now my car is full of sand.
    but so worth it.
    <3



    and cant forget our trip to homers on the side for shakes, flots and burgers. MMMM
    infamous for Fall Out Boy sightings
    in a Rockstar Guide, yes we sat in those exact seats
    and the occasional dumbass who cant open the door=]..oh wait thats me

    Wednesday, July 16, 2008

    A Message From Billvy

    "Having certain friends around me every day gives me chills"

    and his ass--->

    What do you say we leave for California?




    i sit and watch the snow slide down my car window and wonder how you're doing
    with the sun and the sea
    i hope your heart is warm like California
    because it is bitter cold in Chicago
    Cold shivers run down my spine and it reminds me of how your hand felt in mine
    cold all the time on my part
    now i wish i could take it all back
    but i cant so I'll watch you and fake a smile for your sake
    i would never put you through the whirlwind that was me again
    because i care that much
    it's quite lonely sitting int he dark, watching the snow
    i know the waves are crashing on your ears now and you watch the sun sink down into them
    it's already dark here
    and I'm looking at the sky thinking about how you were looking at the same one
    California dreaming and big city nightmares
    cars rush by and wake me up
    the warm breeze lulls you to sleep
    sleep well my pacific baby
    hush now, nothing can go wrong along the jetties
    no street signs telling you when to go and stop
    you dance to the beat in your head
    you've left foot prints in the sand
    and i disappear among the million passerby's in my concrete jungle






    to my sister- hang in there baby.

    if only if only...

    I'm really not a letdown, i swear.
    it just takes time to understand me.
    i swear, its amazing to hear of anyone who view the world the way i do
    the way you put words fills up my mind
    don't try to talk to me now, I'm dizzy with dreaming
    dreaming of what will one day be love
    because we've got our dreamsand fears
    and life exists somewhere in between
    people say, wait, when you stop looking, it comes.
    but waiting for say, 2 years with this empty void? no.
    yes I've got the world and more
    but we all want what we don't have
    I'm tired of filling pages
    i want to share with someone-
    who i can trust, who will want to hear me, who will encourage what i can do.
    cliche but I'm tired of wanting, and not experiencing
    i've tried, i've been trying.
    why is it so hard to meet halfway?
    because i dont need to hear "you're pretty" or "you're smart"
    i need someone who can tell me the truth.
    i don't want to experience a preconceived notion of how love should be
    i want to experience it like no one has ever knownwhat it is, and name it myself
    i want to be certain of one thing for once
    i want to feel full for someone, appreciated for being being different,
    maybe if i was, i wouldnt feel the need to fit in with everyone else
    i want to feel that electrice spark for someone, something that leaves me dizzy
    ive got so much love
    i haven't been put through hell and back to just tell a story
    it was to amaze someone, to inspire someone
    to let them know i'm in for the big one
    this was all written for someones eyes, but i'm just not sure who.

    ive got friends in low places.

    I've got love for:


    Texas



    and chicago too =]

    and who am i kidding, all the places in between.

    i think i have 2 more kids, possibly 3, to the list of people i am grateful for.

    but for now, i must go.

    and say adios lovelies.

    more soon =]


    my town, talking 'bout Chitown.
    do you think about me now and then? Fireworks on lake Michigan



    Monday, July 14, 2008

    mr[s] brightside.













    to keep my mind off things, ive thrown myself into my current obsessions=]

    family =]

    alright so today, a lot of stuff happened.

    i wont go into details.

    [all i have to say is that it involves police, ambulances, and fire trucks.

    and a very popular amy winehouse song chorus.]

    but i know really hard times lay ahead=[

    i just have to hold my head above it all.

    Its hard that everyone says when the entire world turns on you, you always have your family... but what happens when your family turns on you?

    I've learned a lot about friends and family this summer.
    But recently i read a book called lock and key, and it really made me think about my own family.
    "They're the people in your life you don't get to pick. The ones that are given to you, as opposed to those you get to choose... I something is wrong with you, you can usually trace it back to them. Because they are the ones that are there, you know, from the beginning to the end like it or not."

    When you realize your family is messed up, its odd. because it doesn't make you love them any less, because they are already a part of you.


    and i realized that lately i have done a lot of saving. Saving others from getting hurt, saving others from destructive situations, saving them from heart ache. But who am i to tell anyone how to be saved? I was the only girl who who has tried in every way not to be.

    but then i started realizing, because i have been hurt so much by my family, i have made my own. and those people are very rare to find. So many locks and not enough keys. "Its the reason we are always searching, and rarely discovered". Those people who i consider my family are the ones that i believe in. because "you don't want to waste your time on anything or anyone you don't believe in"


    in times of need you realize that you want everyone to be at your disposal, when you need them, on your time. You want to realize how many people care about you. But i realized "you cant expect everybody to be there for us all at once, so its a lucky thing that really, all you need is someone"

    But I'll leave you with this. Family is not always who you are related to, it is who you make. Because some family you can choose, and others you cant. You must love what you have=]

    so ill keep smiling.
    and stay happy.
    until it blows over.



    My Hero, at his finest.

    Soo... Me and Jess always wonder where we get our potty mouths from. I always say its from eachother. But now i realize how much Pete Wentz is instilled in my brain. Oh man. I was laughing so hard at this. You might have to have a special appreciation for Fall Out Boy or Pete or "that music scene" to think this is funny. But i am still laughing.



    an fnmtv promo that was never approved. from clandestine on Vimeo.

    Sunday, July 13, 2008

    some people got it, and other people dont.


    Today, i recieved a not-so-nice letter. you can read it below. It really set my train of thought for the day. It made me start to think, who is this person, and why would they go so far out of the way to do this to me? I was surprsingly fine after reading it. I just felt extremely bad for the person who did it. They went out of their way to put someone else down, i believe that is really saying something about the level of self esteem that the writer had. After being upset for a millisecond and telling some people about it i started thinking, those who back me up with this, are the ones who matter.
    <3J.D.A+C,M.M.R.P.Mc.R. Ss. A. T. T. T.
    it really made me individually appreciate all my friends, something i have been doing all summer. I have realized i have met some absolutely amazing kids this summer, although how we met was unconventional and yes, a little dorky, i couldn.t have asked for better kids in my life=]

    and because they pick me up everytime im down, i thought i would return the favor=]
    you put love into the world, and it comes back to you<3
    ___
    to the new and old
    my best friend can pick me up after the hardest days and make me smile no matter what, and be there for me and knows if we need to talk, we can and if we dont, we dont have to. there is tons more i can say, but i would go on all day about how lucky i am to have such an amazing friend like that in my life.

    to my clanster BOIII, you know who you are. thanks for never asking me to explain myself around you, i like how you just get me. we get excited for the same stuff, and well, thats rare to find these days. Were both creeps and you know what?! thats alright with me. i'm glad we met, because who else can i share my excitement for warped and things like...umm certain people (its ok im obsessed with him too HAH)....music brought us together, and im pretty sure things are going to stay that way. you showed me so much that i didnt know before, and you continue to show me. your a wayyyy awesome kid...and today after i told you about this note letter thingy, you were super sweet about it and i cant wait until we can have a smackdown on this kid, whoever it is. p.s. DURF(ew)


    the twins- who i love very much, and who i count as my own family, i find myself in each of you, and you both bring me somethign different, i feel like your both my little sisters and i watch over you the same i would as my own family. im so glad we can share so much of eachother and you both bring amazing talents to the table, with your art and music, i am so very jealous of both of you. your both beautiful, your both smart as whips, and i hope our adventures together never end =] p.s. you complete our concert family square =]=]=]


    a friend who is a bit older, and a lot wiser, who has helped me numerous times. Your smart as hell, and i look up to you, and no matter what people say, your one cool kid to me=]

    one gorgeous boy who knows he can get anyone, and can make anyone (boy or girl) fall for him with his writing

    "the date"-Most people you look at once, and keep that freeze frame in your mind forever. You changed my view on that. You opened my eyes to see that there are things going on behind closed doors. And that some people will always haveyour back no matter what

    to my life coach- who already knows he is amazing, and knows putting good into the world will come back to him

    a kid who i just met, who is trouble, but always makes me smile and laugh and you cant help but just love him and his personality

    A boy who "brightens" up my day, who is in love (and im jealous) and is absolutely amazing. he is an amazing kid and deserve the best, who is the definition of lovable, and who i love talking to because we can trade awesome life views.

    My new favorite person. Your hilairous, famers tan or not. you always make me laugh, talking about our parents and funny stories. i love our adventures to the beach and downtown, your probably my favorite person to drive around with, yelling at bad drivers and trying to figure out what that damn trucks number is in front of us so we can call and say your driving like an OLD PERSON... 2h3?tk?y77?? HUH?! oh and cant forget the yaris's <3 love em.

    a kick ass girl who i love talking to! and can probably do some major damage out on the dance floor, because we challenged those kids to a dance off...and were gunna win. DUH.

    someone who shares my name and views on things too, who has impressed me like no other, and has an amazing talent for taking pictures, and even though we just started talking(again, sorta), is an awesome girl who i cant wait to get to know better!!

    to a boy who i love like a brother, but at the same time will always like( even if you dont know it), no matter what they say about you, i love you and you hold a very special place in my heart, we've changed eachother and you mean so much to me. i hope your always a part of my life=]


    p.p.s. to my new musician friends...you know who youare i love you, and hold you in a very special place in my heart forever and ever, and so does your music =]

    ____



    there are so many other kids that i love in the world, those are just the new ones from this summer=]

    ive learned to appreciate the kids i do have, and who will back me no matter what, and proved to me that it doesnt matter what others think, because i have these kids in my life, who have my back=]

    taylorsimsukbals: hey bitch, yeah u fat ass!! eat shit u mother fucker, when u sit i see 123456 roles on ur stomach and ass, i dont know how ur ass doesnt pop
    taylorsimsukbals: fuck u
    taylorsimsukbals: BITCH?!!?
    taylorsimsukbals: ANSWER
    taylorsimsukbals: ANSWER NOW FAT WHORE UR SO UGLY NO ONE LIKES U EVERYONE HATES U SO MUCH ITS NOT EVEN FUNNY WHO DO U THINK U R WALKING DOWN THE HALLS OF SCHOOL HOLDING UR HEAD HIGH U DISERVE TO DIE OHH AND ALSO ON UR MYSPACE SORRY HUN BUT UR PICTURES LOOK LIKE FISHES
    taylorsimsukbals: WITH UR LITTLE FREAKING LIPS STICKING OUT WHAT R U GOING TO DO KISS MS.DIAZ'S ASS?
    taylorsimsukbals: FUCKER ANSWER ME U FUCKING WHORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



    ______

    im really sorry someone has to go out of their way to write something like that. If thats the kind of time you have, then go right ahead. honestly, it didnt phase me one bit. i think its funny actually. yes, i know im not a stick thin model sure, i can stand to loose a few pounds, and yeah i have big lips (i like them actually). And thankyou, i do hold my head high at school. because when everything else goes wrong, its all ive got. and who is ms. diaz? liek cameron diaz? hm. and i know im not a whore, thats one thing im sure of. hahaha its just so funny. i am comfortable with myself that i can admit my faults, and this little message just makes me realize that i have really good friends who think things like that are rediculous. we are 17, not 12.

    love you too bitches<3 MUAH


    p.s. go read dans blog over at digmyowngrave.blogspot.com... he knows what im talking about.

    Saturday, July 12, 2008

    a long rant!

    [[its a bit of a rant, but better blogs are to come once i compose my thoughts]]So i felt like writing one of these... i've been thinking about stuff lately. i'm thinking that, no one gets me...well thats a lie. one person does, thats why shes my best friend. But, im thinking that im tried of being who everyone else wants me to be, and only showing half of myself because i dont think people will like the other parts of me. but here are some things, agree or disagree. this is me, its not me asking for anything, or anyone, or maybe it is... its more of the world as i see it-----------
    im obsessed with my music, i dont care if you dont like it, because im going to continue liking itive had alot of bad stuff happen to me, i used to use it as an excuse for being jaded. But thats a part of me i've since left behindi have a new view on the world thanks to an amazing teacher who saved me, ask me about him sometime, his philosophies will change you tooYes, i am looking for prince charming, who isnt, but i'm picky, and who ever he is, will share my view of the world because im not changing for anyone, ask me about it, its a long list of things i wish i could find in a personi dont hate anyone, hate takes up too much energyi sit around and play piano when i'm bored
    i sing, alot.
    i'm a writer, i write everyday, i've got notebooks filled of things: poems, observations, confessions, opinions, lists, ect.i'm a sucker for cool shoes, v necks, sweet hair, musicians, someone with style, and someone who can amaze me with insightful thingsi believe that theres incredible power in an ideayou should never find yourself saying "if ___, then i would be happy". Life is short, so why wouldnt you find it in yourself and the resources to be happy now? dont waste time looking for a reason for happiness, only something that can add to it. life isn't gaurnteed to anyone, no matter how much you have [or dont have] going for you. BE right now and dont waste a moment in betweendont let your problems be an anchor that weighs you down, let it be a kite that floats behind youas you can probably tell, i don't tend to dwell on the bad things, i look to reasons to be happyi'll over emphasize this, but i want to be in love, who doesnt.ive got one person in my life who i appreciate more than anything, who i never had to explain myself to, shes my best friend. i would like to find more people in this world who i can hold in such high regardsi dont believe that you need anything more than good friends to have a good timei notice things liek the stars, the moon, the clouds, and appreciate sunsets i read alot, my favorite book is a long way gone, by ishmael beah, it will make you think about what you have and how easy your life isThe Art Of Happiness- by howard C. Cutler M.D. and his interview of the dali lama[hows that spelled??]if the mirror shows you something you dont like, dont break the mirrorone of the worst things in the world is dispassionthis statement reassures me: someone wants you to find him/herwhat you put in the world comes back to youlove=like+energyeveryone makes great decisions on their death bed, where the hell were you when you were alive?!wisdom is knowing i am nothing, love is knowing i am everything, and life exsists inbetween the two - MC i often over look how much love IS present in my lifei dont like people who cannot be trusted, i dont spill secrets. Vent to me, i wont tell.i've saved lives before.lets put it like this...take the pain out of love and love wont exsist-billvy, i believe this, but i only believe thats when it ends.sometimes there are no heroes, sometimes you just have to save yourself.
    i really care about invisible children, check it out. you'll appreciate your life, and maybe wish to save someone elsessomeone told me on the first day of summer that i had great things in store for me. i held back tears because no one had ever told me that and that is all i had ever wanted to hear. i will never forget it, and won't let that statement stand in vain. I am out to be someone, and live for someone else, and i want to be the person that someone prays for when they are hiding from their fears, whatever it may be. Someone saved my life, and i wish to pay it forward, and thus it continues. I can save someone, ive done it before, and i want to keep doing it because helping others and the more we can about hteir happiness, the greater our sense of being is ----
    ....well i guess thats all for now. sorry for the rant, maybe you enjoyed it, im not sure.
    --peacelovesummerforever

    forgotten things


    i like abandoned things
    leftover, forgotten, untouched
    they hold a certain beauty, like old tan lines from lazy summer days soaking in the sun
    abandoned houses where the sun shines through the dusty windows and cracks
    flowers by the highway, which represent accidental beauty by the cruel exhaust of cars
    recycle bins where people toss their unused things to show they care enough not to make it trash, and save the world slowly. people find treasures in these boxes.
    top shelves where things are put to be forgotten
    a person who still finds hope in new love even after someone else no longer thinks of them
    papers we tried so hard to do well on, end up being thrown away...ironic
    i appreciate these things because each of these things represent me in a way.
    i find myeslf in each of these forgotten things, left alone in the way i was.
    i like abandoned things, they hold a certain beauty


    Safe Ride- Cute Is What We Aim For




    ---[[ because i couldn't find the words, i'll use borrow them, life would be even better like this, because when guys say it, its sweet and uncommon, when girls say it, they are just complaining. -Change me, make me better than i am, to someone i dont have to explain myself to, or be anyone else but myself around, to someone whos not perfect, only to me. to someone who wont listen to what they say, to someone who sees on the inside, to someone who can teach me, to someone who believes in love in all forms the way i do, to one day be someones everything, i want to be someones safe ride]]

    ...more to come.
    SAFE RIDE
    No one is harder on me than myself
    Or so it seems
    And some say that you are my curse, my own worst enemy
    I think they're wrong
    I never thought our life could be like this I never thought...
    I'll be your safe ride home when you call me
    I'll be everything and more
    When you call my name I thought
    "No one is smarter than me,
    No I don't need anyone's help"
    Or so it seems (I was so wrong)
    You've changed me for the good
    They never understood
    But even if they tried I doubt they could
    So take my nervous hands
    Then we could take a stand We don't have to live by their demands, yea I never thought life could be like this I never thought...
    I'll be your safe ride home when you call me
    I'll be everything and more
    When you call my name
    I'll be your safe ride home when you call me
    I'll be everything and more
    When you call my name
    When I'm with you there's no worries
    When I'm with you there's no shame
    When I'm with you I'm secure
    Which usually begins the grain
    They could say we lack the progress
    They could say that we're a mess They could say we'll never make it
    I know we're better than their test And I don't hear them anyway I'll be your safe ride home when you call me
    I'll be everything When you call my name I'll be your safe ride home when you call me I
    'll be everything everything everything everything everything and more
    I'll be your safe ride home when you call me I
    'll be everything and more When you call my name

    Golden


    Nature's first green is gold, Her hardest hue to hold. Her early leaf's a flower; But only so an hour. Then leaf subsides to leaf. So Eden sank to grief, So dawn goes down to day. Nothing gold can stay.

    i can recite this backward, forward and know it all too well.
    i disagree, Stay Gold, the funny thing is, ive never had to ask you to. you just always have. no reminders in ink can tell us what we already know: that this wont ever change.
    thank you for making me want to be a better me for you.
    you gave me the courage to finally be myself. to finally not care, and to be true to what i love in life. i admire you in the way you never seemed to stray from your true self.
    to a friend who deserve a title better than best, more like 'golden' or 'sister' or 'life saver'
    yes, people talk. and we dont give a damn
    no one understands us and no one has to, we both know all we need is eachother these days
    we never have to be anything but ourselves together.
    we both know what is happening behind close doors, we dont talk about it, we dont need to.
    all we need is to be each others courage when the other loses it, be the other ones pride when the other is cut down, be each others constant in an ever changing world
    yeah people have a lot in store for us, good and bad, but we know we have eachother through it all.
    where one goes the other follows, and thats all we can ask for.
    ive never known such closeness with someone before, that brings forth a certain selflessness and a happiness for anothers happiness
    you are my family, and you brought a whole new meaning to the word. when i didnt think i needed it, or had it, you showed me what i had, and you took me in.
    im not writing this for anyone else.
    this is for you to remind you that tough times lay ahead but weve still got eachother. a friend at least and a new definition of family at the most.
    because everyone we meet along the way holds a piece of us as we do them. i can speak for us both and say we love everyone in different ways.
    thank you for never letting go, giving in, or giving up. no one will ever appreciate you the way i do. yeah thats the real genuine kind of love weve got for eachother, best friends.

    i love you all in diferent ways<3>