family =]

alright so today, a lot of stuff happened.

i wont go into details.

[all i have to say is that it involves police, ambulances, and fire trucks.

and a very popular amy winehouse song chorus.]

but i know really hard times lay ahead=[

i just have to hold my head above it all.

Its hard that everyone says when the entire world turns on you, you always have your family... but what happens when your family turns on you?

I've learned a lot about friends and family this summer.
But recently i read a book called lock and key, and it really made me think about my own family.
"They're the people in your life you don't get to pick. The ones that are given to you, as opposed to those you get to choose... I something is wrong with you, you can usually trace it back to them. Because they are the ones that are there, you know, from the beginning to the end like it or not."

When you realize your family is messed up, its odd. because it doesn't make you love them any less, because they are already a part of you.


and i realized that lately i have done a lot of saving. Saving others from getting hurt, saving others from destructive situations, saving them from heart ache. But who am i to tell anyone how to be saved? I was the only girl who who has tried in every way not to be.

but then i started realizing, because i have been hurt so much by my family, i have made my own. and those people are very rare to find. So many locks and not enough keys. "Its the reason we are always searching, and rarely discovered". Those people who i consider my family are the ones that i believe in. because "you don't want to waste your time on anything or anyone you don't believe in"


in times of need you realize that you want everyone to be at your disposal, when you need them, on your time. You want to realize how many people care about you. But i realized "you cant expect everybody to be there for us all at once, so its a lucky thing that really, all you need is someone"

But I'll leave you with this. Family is not always who you are related to, it is who you make. Because some family you can choose, and others you cant. You must love what you have=]

so ill keep smiling.
and stay happy.
until it blows over.