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    Monday, April 26, 2010

    Air O'Gance

    I wonder.
    I am the vainest person I know.
    I love myself so no one else has to
    but can't you?
    I hold my head high with confidence and walk with and on air
    I'm smart and never enough for myself
    I push and push until I'm scraping talent off the soul of my shoe
    All this to prove to myself, that yes. I am worth loving.
    And sometimes i don't think people understand how much I am willing to give to them
    how much I will do to love them
    when the time comes someone will be amazed
    I am amazed with me
    I've been through so much. I deserve it all.
    And in the clam before the storm I am left wanting
    wanting someone to confirm
    but that's my lesson
    confirm yourself
    love yourself
    be confident
    head held high
    and that is all


    Reading you makes my knees ache
    to stand back where the concreate hits the stage curtin
    im screaming and bleeding against this bar for you
    shoved up aginst all the other people in this town who feel the same and were all here for the same cause
    just you. How does it feel to be loved this much?
    Tell me I’m just a passerby

    An emphemeral meteor in a starry sky

    My rainy cloud luck came and stole you away

    Brief thunderstorms on fateful days

    Snuff to spite i need someone tonight

    The miles between us just don’t feel right

    We’re closer than we’ve been before

    i’ve forgotten hundreds

    what’s one more?

    Stars in my veins and stars on my arms, you always promised you'd keep me from harm.

    There She Goes

    “It’s spring time
    That means I’m breaking out the leather jacket and changing my outlook on life again
    New beginnings
    Live high live well live fast
    I’m the wholeheart with a splash of rock n’ roll
    The tame wild child
    That’s me streaking past you
    I’ll show you how I live without you
    I’ll be so good and sickly sweet
    I’ll give you my everything
    But won’t give a damn
    It’s time to live
    It’s time to fly
    There she goes
    Passing by”


    And if I ever breakdown on the rough road like before
    I know I’ll always take the fork
    And end up on my knees at your door.
    I wish you knew of the sins I’ve comitted in your wake
    The acting out I’ve done in hopes one day we’ll meet again…
    … In hell.
    Hm. That’s strange, you taste like blood.

    Cave of Wonders

    The sadness that once put so many tons of weight upon my chest caused a crack
    The crack turned into lonliness
    And the cavern walls that gaurded my heart caved in
    It turned into a creater from which anyone could dig and take the gems they found there for free if they inventested their time and labor
    And they did dig. And took those gems
    They just happened to be chips of my diamond shattered heart
    Once radiating in the summer sun
    Everyone now wears a piece of my heart and shows it off to all of their sycophant friends
    “look at my prize from my excavation”

    Holey Ghost

    4am and you’ve ripped up my scripts of dreams
    I feel like sitting in the middle of my mass of shreads
    Maybe I’ll make a snowangel in this white paper desert
    And make something beautiful out of this mess
    Most nights I sleep with my arms wrapped around myself
    To keep my heart from falling out of the hole in my chest while I sleep
    I can’t decide if it’s because youre not here or just your fault


    Hot with caught light for just one heartbeat
    Laying in bed under the weight of my realizations
    I put up with this because I’m tired of being lonely
    I only think you’re the one because I want you to be


    I’ve taken my fair share of stars from the skies and places them in my veins
    But I’ve given them and and bled them into constellations
    Beautiful patterns that tell my story
    Of pain and joy
    And when the shooting stars
    Go passing by they keep going
    Around the stratosphere
    Around and around but don’t burn out
    My stars never go out
    Reflected in my eyes
    Blink and they might fade

    but “never go away”
    All roads lead back home like veins to the heart
    And classic chicago rock makes me fall in love
    Choking back second hand smoke makes me fall harder
    I feel like setting fire to something just to watch it burn

    Someone please emboss my body

    I want to be remembered forever

    through scars

    in veins

    in stars

    through pain


    I can’t put my finger on it

    everything is blending together

    these nights are getting harder to face

    the wee morning hours thoughts eat my common sense

    and pride

    The only thing that tastes new is old

    I’m too terrified to even mention….

    I keep all these thoughts inside my head

    All this change has got me cashing in

    I’m only finding myself richer

    fingers crossed, eyes squeezed shut

    now don’t spend it all in one place

    oh rye ann

    I can’t sleep
    Spots of color are starting to appear under my eyelids
    As the thoughts that haunt me creep into my mind with the black that is the wee early morning hours
    The color bleeds onto my pillow as I cling to the empty side of the mattress, your side, and I hope if I push myself into the dark hard enough some part of you will seep out of the hollow your body made next to where I lay,
    where we laid night after night disussing our dreams and where the universe ends
    Discussing the seasons according to the moon
    And the brilliant colors of nebulas
    The same colors that appear right behind my eyelids
    Squeezing them hard enough that the colors blend to make out your figure next to me in the dark
    And now, I can finally sleep
    These holes my friends have dug
    The craters they have filled after the bombs went off
    The ripped and torn roads that his nails left in my back just looking to be traveled
    Warm and full of safe fire
    But fire ends where an ocean begins
    I always find my ocean current tongue at high tide with you. The moon has to reciprocate some time…he can’t just pull and pull forever, can he? How many words can the current give before there is no more left?
    God knows when I hold my breath I end up turning blue
    Every night i patch up the hole in my chest where many have dug from with sewed up dreams so that my heart doesn’t fall out while I sleep
    Lock me up in that little wooden house
    So that my soul can sink into the floorboards
    And watch over you when I’m not there
    Find me between matrreses and mahogany
    Sparking lights fall and the hollow of the guitar sound
    A resounding hum
    Like my head on your chest where gravity pulls me futher into the dark
    Wear my grooves thin like the records you play over and over
    I don’t mind
    Spinning around and round on turntables like emeralds in my mind
    Taking down everything around us so the scales don’t tip
    It seems too right so everything else must look wrong to compensate
    The truth is i feel stuck.
    The truth is I just want to do something drastic.
    Cut me, dye me, pierce me, move me, run with me.
    I have friends all over the world. One in Africa, two in Paris, one in Spain, one in Germany and many all over the U.S.
    I look out my window and I see the same skyline I've looked at all of my life
    And I am starting to take it for granted
    I just want to run and leave this place
    I want to see things everywhere and experience things from other places
    Give me adventure, composure, stability, anything but here
    I am so happy
    But the truth is I was never meant to be so stuck in one place
    I've always been on the run
    I cannot sit in one place for very long
    show me the world, please.
    I am not sure if this is my attempt to run from possible failure
    or just a girl itching to run from her own skin
    But i am ready to get out and go
    I am afraid it is all fleeting
    so go ahead and miss me
    because you'll soon just be looking at my back and my ship sails into the sunset
    fingers crossed to chase the sun around the world
    We'll always be looking at the same moon
    but for now i need change
    location, destination, reverberation, contemplation
    I'm out
    There she goes