blue eyes if the storm

I'm finally facing these tears that have been backed up in my soar eyes for months
I've been stopped up
My mind is spinning tonight and there is no stopping it like the force of the hurricane you turned my life into
I sat and stared at the blue eyes of the storm and now when it broke down and looks just as sad as me, I feel empathy.
I feel empathy for something who took my world and built it up and tore it down
I just looked in the eyes of the jaded gypsy, she pulled me in close and whispered in my ear "you're not the first, you won't be the last, you're just the next to get sucked in"
I broke her looking glass that day
I knew she was wrong she came from the north, she came from the south and she came from the west. And I was between her.
She got sucked into that huricane too. She fought back and waged the war I wished I had
Oh the hurricane. We marvel in it's natural beauty and mystery and we marvel and wonder how it could happen
Then we run in fear, when we realize what it's about to do
Then we hide while it ruins everything around us and takes our possessions and shatters everything we know
Then after in wreckage we are empty
But who in their right mind empathizes the huricane?
Why am I empathizing the hurricane
IT RUINED EVERYTHING
it was the source of every single one of my problelms and proved to me that I was too weak to stand against it's winds
And now I feel bad that it's winds have died down

Taylor Jean Norma Jean Marilyn Monroe

I am tired of my bed posts merely being the knobs to reveolving doors
Are my sheets so inviting as to welcome the masses? My heart cannot put up bars against my actions.
The more notches made with this knife, the more my heart is carved hallow with the same

aDdiCtion

I'm writing just to get back in this tick tock flip flop pattern
Oh my hearts been skipping beats since you left
My blood has just stopped short of ventricles
But now I got shot up with a few ounces of karma
In a nice sharp siringe that stung on the way in
My blood and the luck that runs through it has come full circle
Oh there you are blood. Rushing to my head and making my cheecks a shade darker
I feel you pumping through my veins again. Doesn't make sense that you say so cold and dull through the warm summer months
And now youre kick starting my part again in the fall as everything is dying around me
It doesn't make sense
Why am I coming alive when nothing else around me is?
Stiching up rips that are years old
Oh I've missed you fall. The red leaves the bit of the chill in the air
It's almost like it's warning me
But can't say I didn't warn you

Left, Right, Left, Left Right Left

Straighten my spine
I need to realign
Staighten up
And Step in time
My heads in the mode
Of military code
Dots and dash
Lock and load

Disaster

You know me, I like a challenge.
The only reason he keeps coming back to me is because he has met his match,
I play the game along with him,
and play the untouchable game so he keeps coming back.
That's what all guys really want.
I'm no seductress,
I've Just got the game game down.
It's a great lesson to learn,
To have the boys in the palm of you hand even when they think the roles are reversed
Girls always win, girls always break hearts.
Boys give us temporary heartbreak, but a girl can scar a boy forever.

I know you see me

And I want you to know I ache in missing you.
But I'm sure if i tried again we would surely fall apart on site.
Things aren't the same, they haven't been for a very long time.
But I still think of the summer nights and the sleepy fall days we shared.
My heart still misses you.
I hope you do two...
plus
2
=4never.

Bu-Zee

This is a rant in advance:
Well my lord its been a long time since I've written on ehre. I've taken to writing on TUMBLR more.
But everyone reads those posts everyday, and this is a bit more hidden and seeing as I no long have my notebook with me I can't exactly write in any old place.
So here I am, back at the beginning, September 28th 2009.
I moved to Lincoln Park, and I love it, but why do I keep questioning my decision to live here?
Should I have moved across country? To another coast? Where I didn't know anyone? TO reinvent myself to fit in? To run away from everyone that had caused me heart break in the past few months? Would the right decision to be to run?
I run into so many questions, so many unanswered questions that is.
I am so full of doubt lately, and in all honesty, I am not sure where my stability of happiness lies.
I was worse this summer after being left in the dirt by the two most important people in my life, but I am over that now.
So where does that leave me?
I need to find my place, and get into the swing of things.
I want to be more than I am, I want to be better than ever.
"I need people with edge, risk.. people who know how to live.. how to love.. a true friend. a true love." HB
I need someone who captivates me, and encourages me to get up and get out when all I feel like doing is falling asleep.
I've lost my must to write new lines and capture new ambiances.
Not to mention my faith in love has been unsteady lately.
See, I love a boy.
[who doesn't]
A boy who has chosen to tell me he loves me back, but won't do anything about it.
Well, this just leaves me in a grey area.
I've come to a conclusion over such:
I don't wait for anyone, ever
Meaning i will not wait for him to say he is ready for me to be a part of his life. I will continue to do what I want until I am ready,
I am nobody's convenience
you shouldn't be either.

I just want to write.
I just want to be more.
I just want to be smarter.
I just want to be somebody.
I just want to stop missing you.
I just want to be a better person.
I just want to be the best for once.
I just want to be happier than I am.
I just want to be a better friend.
I just want to turn off my mind.
I just want to shut my mouth.
I just want to be accepted.
I just want to be certain.
I just want to be happy.