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    Thursday, January 1, 2009


    so lets put it like this.
    to start: i am beginning with no structure to this
    but eventually it will fall into structure and beats and rhythms, it always does
    so talking to a friend today i realized
    that it is not a question of me finding love, or getting love
    it is a question of me taking it.
    because i cant, i cannot love.
    it is impossible
    much like the ever innocent peter pan, i cannot feel
    i worry too much about collateral damage
    and get too caught up in things
    and care too much what others think
    and oh god, if anyone changes my perfect pattern of living, immediate nix.
    So whats the deal with Taylor.
    I wish someone had the answer because i sure as hell don't have it.
    The thing is i cannot search within someone else for the answer, i must find it within me
    But where to start?
    is it that everyone ever has walked out on me or given up on me save for a select few?
    is it that i don't trust anyone in my life... really, anyone

    p.s. i look at this everyday to remind myself
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic
    is it because i dont love myself yet?
    because i have so much jealousy inside of me?
    because i am hardly stable myself and how could i find it within someone else?
    what is it?

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