my half way home

ouch.
my heart hurts.
and i dont think i have lifted my eyes for an hour.
i just had an encounter.
my mom brought her friend brian over who she goes to meetings with and has known since july,
no this is'nt a story of adultry...ew dont even go there. hahah
for those of you that know me might be able to put two and two together to know what i mean by meetings.
anyways.
he was at my house
tall young boy of 20
adorable face
shy and quiet
reminded me of a young child
his car had the license plates from Colorado
with ACDC and special blend snowboard stickers on it
i came in my house and meekly said hello and went straight up to my room
and stayed there.
i had to go back down to get something
but i couldn't lift my eyes to meet the sad ones of the boy
he was telling my mom bout colorado and how he moved out with his mom to who is here because his dad couldn't handle him.
he lives in a half way home in chicago
because he is a heroin addict.
and i couldn't meet his eyes
i have been in rooms with many addicts: alcoholics, heroin addicts, cocaine addicts, you name it.
yes, i've seen the insides of rehabs and hospitals.
and i have taken them on with bravery
but why couldn't i meet the eyes of this boy?
it broke my heart to see him.
so young.
was it my fear that i might see myself in his eyes?
was it my fear that he was looking to me for some guidance of how i have handled everything?
i dont know
but why couldn't i meet his eyes?