A Car Crash Heart

2010-06-12T23:11:00.003-07:00

I’m laying awake and still so you won’t wake up and leave me
I like just watching you sleep but like it even more when you wake up just long enough to pull me closer.
I want to be brave like your spine that so dangerously walks the path between the blades of your shoulder, so sharp and angled to perfection
I want to be the two folds behind your ear to hear your secrets and be that much closer to getting in your head
I want to be your pointed smile, the grin that had an arrow aimed straight to my heart
I want to be the hair that falls in your eyes when you flip through a dusty book
I want to be the chills on your arms in the breezy nights so I may be under your skin
I want to be your talented, graceful hands to just be a part of you, to feel what you feel
I want to be your ribs that jut out from your skin to be close to your heart and have to responsibility of keeping it safe and warm
I want to be the green in your eyes that sees the world in ways I’ll never know
Maybe I’m lucky to be me…just to know what it’s like to love you

2010-06-12T23:11:00.001-07:00

Why can’t the roles be reversed?
You could hang on my every word
You’d dream of me while you sleep
Reach for the empty pillow wishing it was me
You’d beg to keep me as your own
Wishing, waiting up, gripping that phone
You’d hint to comitt
And Id brush it away
In silence we’d sit
id drop his name everyday
And if you want to know the truth,
This isn’t easy to say,
You and I wouldn’t work any other way

2Tru

2010-06-01T12:20:00.001-07:00

Hurt feelings

heated ceilings

I’ve got a bone to pick with you

you dance around these problems

I wont be the one to solve them

Avoidance is what you do

Yellow Bruises

Calling truces

I could only wish on stars

I’ll open my mouth

but three words wont come out

For this I’ll brandish scars

Back to the game

it’ll always be the same

If only I was brave enough to confront

She still calls you at night

Bleeding shins and my bight

I hate that girl, I call her a….

you’re still in love with her, its keeping your from me.

Remember December

2010-05-26T22:05:00.000-07:00

You’re caught between two run away trains
She’s beautiful and volitale
And I’m just a wreck
Oh and the wreck falls for the mind!
I fall for anyone who entices my mind, sends me off spinning into an oblivion of mind fuck
Ah! And there is my answer all in one! Equally as it spills off the page as it reels in my mind
Any boy who captures my mind, in turn captures my soul, gets me wrapped entirely and lays me down into a pit of hurt
From one heart break to the next with a cracking of a new cavern of my mind in between
The shipwreck of my mind

$$

2010-05-26T22:04:00.001-07:00

I can’t put my finger on it

everything is blending together

these nights are getting harder to face

the wee morning hours thoughts eat my common sense

and pride

The only thing that tastes new is old

I’m too terrified to even mention….

I keep all these thoughts inside my head

All this change has got me cashing in

I’m only finding myself richer

fingers crossed, eyes squeezed shut

now don’t spend it all in one place

oh rye ann

2010-05-26T22:03:00.001-07:00

I can’t sleep
Spots of color are starting to appear under my eyelids
As the thoughts that haunt me creep into my mind with the black that is the wee early morning hours
The color bleeds onto my pillow as I cling to the empty side of the mattress, your side, and I hope if I push myself into the dark hard enough some part of you will seep out of the hollow your body made next to where I lay,
where we laid night after night disussing our dreams and where the universe ends
Discussing the seasons according to the moon
And the brilliant colors of nebulas
The same colors that appear right behind my eyelids
Squeezing them hard enough that the colors blend to make out your figure next to me in the dark
And now, I can finally sleep

Dark side of the moon

2010-05-26T22:02:00.003-07:00

These holes my friends have dug
The craters they have filled after the bombs went off
The ripped and torn roads that his nails left in my back just looking to be traveled
Warm and full of safe fire
But fire ends where an ocean begins
I always find my ocean current tongue at high tide with you. The moon has to reciprocate some time…he can’t just pull and pull forever, can he? How many words can the current give before there is no more left?

br8ve

2010-05-26T22:02:00.001-07:00

Give time, time. Lose your emotional baggage. Be trusting but not naive. Stay grounded. Be nice to ordinary people. Be your own wo/man. Don't always act your age. Make happiness a habit. Injuries in sand, kindness in marble. Keep on keeping on. Be less critical. Say it to the face or not at all. Take only serious things seriously. BE BIGGER THAN YOUR CIRCUMSTANCE. Never sell yourself short. Fall in love and stay there. Should ->must.

2010-05-26T22:00:00.003-07:00

God knows when I hold my breath I end up turning blue
Every night i patch up the hole in my chest where many have dug from with sewed up dreams so that my heart doesn’t fall out while I sleep

2010-05-26T22:00:00.001-07:00

Lock me up in that little wooden house
So that my soul can sink into the floorboards
And watch over you when I’m not there
Find me between matrreses and mahogany
Sparking lights fall and the hollow of the guitar sound
A resounding hum
Like my head on your chest where gravity pulls me futher into the dark
Wear my grooves thin like the records you play over and over
I don’t mind
Spinning around and round on turntables like emeralds in my mind
Taking down everything around us so the scales don’t tip
It seems too right so everything else must look wrong to compensate

It seems that things never change and boys are all the same

2010-05-26T21:59:00.000-07:00

Sunrise in the east

2008

I don’t quite understand.
You tell me I love you too much, and shy away from everything that I have to offer.
You tell me I’m too intense and I put too much into you
But after hours of fighting you do these small things that make me believe differently.
The smallest ways of standing up for me, protecting me, sheltering me
the little actions that still say “I Love You”
Actions speak louder than words
so either tie your words to bullhorns
or stop unconsciously acting out to me.
Because I see right through your stained glass words
right to the brick underneath

West Sunsets

2010-05-26T21:58:00.003-07:00

Consider yourself lucky because you’re my new inspiration.
You push the ones who love you away so hard.
What is learning pain if you can never learn to trust
I’m guilty of hurting and disappointing you but it’s so hard to be open with you about my human mistakes when you push me away.
One day I won’t come back.
If you love me, you’ll be careful. Swallow your pride and just let me in.
You’ll knock down these walls you’ve so avidly built
You’ll show me the weak spots so I can kick the walls in
They hurt you and fuck you up but don’t you know they’ll save you?
Don’t you know you can’t do this alone
That high horse of yours will die before you do
Get down before it let’s you down too

Diamonds on the left

2010-05-26T21:58:00.001-07:00

Shattered glass looks like diamonds too.
You’re gone for weeks so
I mark you by the moon
Sink in your bed in my head
A vision of you and me
I miss you too much
Can’t put my arms around a memory
I wish you knew what it’s like to wake up next to you
Warm bodies silent breathing
You’ve made me some fool

Diesel Jeans Campaign: Be Stupid

2010-05-26T21:56:00.000-07:00

Like balloons, we are filled with hopes and dreams
But. Over time a single sentence creeps into our lives

Dont be stupid.

Its the crusher of possibility.
Its the worlds greatest deflator.

The world is full of smart people.
Doing all kind of smart things…
Thats smart.

Well,
were with stupid.

Stupid is the relentless pursuit of a regret free life.
Smart may have the brains…
but stupid has the balls.

The smart might recognize
things for how they are.
The stupid see things for how they could be.

Smart critiques.
Stupid creates.

The fact is
if we didnt have stupid thoughts
wed have no interesting thoughts at all

Smart may have the plans…
but stupid has the stories.

Smart may have the authority
but stupid has one hell of a hangover

Its not smart to take risks…
Its stupid.

To be stupid
is to be brave

The stupid isnt afraid to fail.
The stupid know there are worse things than failure…
like not even trying.

Smart had one good idea,
and that idea was stupid.

You cant outsmart stupid.
So dont even try.

Remember
only stupid can be truly
brilliant

So,
BE STUPID

Deadly Sin

2010-05-26T21:55:00.000-07:00

How does pride taste?

Oh wait, you wouldn’t know

Because just like virgin, you can’t swollow

Pride cannot hold your hand or keep you warm at night

Pride will not tell you it loves you

You can’t wrap your arms around pride

If pride were a man

And oh, it certainly would be,

It would be cold and bitter

But it balances out like all your gold on a scale versus my dreams

No one loves pride

No one wants to spend time with pride

God himself hates pride

Unless you wish to share success stories with the devil, I suggest you take a heaping spoonful of pride And let it slide down your throat Hot sticky and sweet

Air O'Gance

2010-04-26T12:47:00.001-07:00

I wonder.
I am the vainest person I know.
I love myself so no one else has to
but can't you?
I hold my head high with confidence and walk with and on air
I'm smart and never enough for myself
I push and push until I'm scraping talent off the soul of my shoe
All this to prove to myself, that yes. I am worth loving.
And sometimes i don't think people understand how much I am willing to give to them
how much I will do to love them
when the time comes someone will be amazed
I am amazed with me
I've been through so much. I deserve it all.
And in the clam before the storm I am left wanting
wanting someone to confirm
but that's my lesson
confirm yourself
love yourself
be confident
head held high
and that is all

CCH

2010-04-26T12:45:00.001-07:00

Reading you makes my knees ache
to stand back where the concreate hits the stage curtin
im screaming and bleeding against this bar for you
shoved up aginst all the other people in this town who feel the same and were all here for the same cause
just you. How does it feel to be loved this much?

2010-04-26T12:39:00.001-07:00

Tell me I’m just a passerby

An emphemeral meteor in a starry sky

My rainy cloud luck came and stole you away

Brief thunderstorms on fateful days

Snuff to spite i need someone tonight

The miles between us just don’t feel right

We’re closer than we’ve been before

i’ve forgotten hundreds

what’s one more?

Stars in my veins and stars on my arms, you always promised you'd keep me from harm.

There She Goes

2010-04-26T12:38:00.001-07:00

“It’s spring time
That means I’m breaking out the leather jacket and changing my outlook on life again
New beginnings
Live high live well live fast
I’m the wholeheart with a splash of rock n’ roll
The tame wild child
That’s me streaking past you
I’ll show you how I live without you
I’ll be so good and sickly sweet
I’ll give you my everything
But won’t give a damn
It’s time to live
It’s time to fly
There she goes
Passing by”

iEyeohDine

2010-04-26T12:37:00.003-07:00

And if I ever breakdown on the rough road like before
I know I’ll always take the fork
And end up on my knees at your door.
I wish you knew of the sins I’ve comitted in your wake
The acting out I’ve done in hopes one day we’ll meet again…
… In hell.
Hm. That’s strange, you taste like blood.

Cave of Wonders

2010-04-26T12:37:00.001-07:00

The sadness that once put so many tons of weight upon my chest caused a crack
The crack turned into lonliness
And the cavern walls that gaurded my heart caved in
It turned into a creater from which anyone could dig and take the gems they found there for free if they inventested their time and labor
And they did dig. And took those gems
They just happened to be chips of my diamond shattered heart
Once radiating in the summer sun
Everyone now wears a piece of my heart and shows it off to all of their sycophant friends
“look at my prize from my excavation”

Holey Ghost

2010-04-26T12:36:00.004-07:00

4am and you’ve ripped up my scripts of dreams
I feel like sitting in the middle of my mass of shreads
Maybe I’ll make a snowangel in this white paper desert
And make something beautiful out of this mess
Most nights I sleep with my arms wrapped around myself
To keep my heart from falling out of the hole in my chest while I sleep
I can’t decide if it’s because youre not here or just your fault

Symposium

2010-04-26T12:36:00.003-07:00

Hot with caught light for just one heartbeat
Laying in bed under the weight of my realizations
I put up with this because I’m tired of being lonely
I only think you’re the one because I want you to be

Jayess

2010-04-26T12:36:00.001-07:00

I’ve taken my fair share of stars from the skies and places them in my veins
But I’ve given them and and bled them into constellations
Beautiful patterns that tell my story
Of pain and joy
And when the shooting stars
Go passing by they keep going
Around the stratosphere
Around and around but don’t burn out
My stars never go out
Reflected in my eyes
Blink and they might fade

but “never go away”

2010-04-26T12:35:00.005-07:00

All roads lead back home like veins to the heart
And classic chicago rock makes me fall in love
Choking back second hand smoke makes me fall harder

2010-04-26T12:35:00.003-07:00

I feel like setting fire to something just to watch it burn

Someone please emboss my body

I want to be remembered forever

through scars

in veins

in stars

through pain

$

2010-04-26T12:35:00.001-07:00

oh rye ann

2010-04-26T12:34:00.003-07:00

2010-04-26T12:34:00.001-07:00

2010-04-26T12:33:00.003-07:00

God knows when I hold my breath I end up turning blue
Every night i patch up the hole in my chest where many have dug from with sewed up dreams so that my heart doesn’t fall out while I sleep

2010-04-26T12:33:00.001-07:00

2010-04-26T12:17:00.001-07:00

The truth is i feel stuck.
The truth is I just want to do something drastic.
Cut me, dye me, pierce me, move me, run with me.
I have friends all over the world. One in Africa, two in Paris, one in Spain, one in Germany and many all over the U.S.
I look out my window and I see the same skyline I've looked at all of my life
And I am starting to take it for granted
I just want to run and leave this place
I want to see things everywhere and experience things from other places
Give me adventure, composure, stability, anything but here
I am so happy
But the truth is I was never meant to be so stuck in one place
I've always been on the run
I cannot sit in one place for very long
show me the world, please.
I am not sure if this is my attempt to run from possible failure
or just a girl itching to run from her own skin
But i am ready to get out and go
I am afraid it is all fleeting
so go ahead and miss me
because you'll soon just be looking at my back and my ship sails into the sunset
fingers crossed to chase the sun around the world
We'll always be looking at the same moon
but for now i need change
location, destination, reverberation, contemplation
I'm out
There she goes

Sunrise in the east

2010-03-01T12:25:00.000-08:00

I don't quite understand.
You tell me I love you too much, and shy away form everything that I have to offer.
You tell me I'm too intense and I put too much into you
But after hours of fighting you do these small things that make me believe differently.
The smallest ways of standing up for me, protecting me, sheltering me
the little actions that still say "I Love You"
Actions speak louder than words
so either tie your words to bullhorns
or stop unconsciously acting out to me.
Because I see right through your stained glass words
right to the brick underneath

Things I'll Never Understand

2010-02-22T23:27:00.001-08:00

If a friend hurts you so much, then why do you hang on to them and keep them around? Why even still consider them a friend?

If someone you love hurt you so badly why would you come crawling back to them? Along with if someone doesn’t want you, why would you beg them to keep it going?

If you hate something so much, stop complaining and stop doing it.

If you have to question something a many times why are you going to do it? if you can be certain enough with yourself enough to do something, then don’t.

If you think about it and are scared to do something, then it is not truly bravery at all. Real bravery is when you mindlessly go through with it because you sincerely care about it/ person you are doing it for.

If you aren’t happy, why aren’t you changing something?

People follow this set path in front of them, but that is not what life is about. Take a step back, think of everything in the universe, the stars, the planets, the elements, and now think about what you are doing. Sitting doing homework, debating what designer you need, what gadget, what makeup, you need to impress…someone. But that isn;t what it is about… I don’t have the answer of what it IS about, but all I can tell you is that you will have to go find the answers yourself.

One last thing I can’t understand, on a personal level, is that I love you, and you can’t see it.

Reader discretion is: advised/revised.

2010-02-22T23:20:00.001-08:00

I believe that you feel the same for me because of the way we laugh together, the way we dance, the childish things we do because we can, the way you touched my face,
the way we wrap ourselves around one another
Warm on a cold hard floor
“oh” the price I’d pay to be back on that ONE defining day
It gave me a new idea of my own perfect
It has nothing to do with the ideogrammatic alphabets that pop up on a crystalized electronic screen.
The binary code that leads to where you are
You’re my ONE, my “oh”
Get here. Be here. Stay here.
If only my dear, if only - i need you so much closer
Your just a punk that’s daft
And I’m simply a pretty young thing lace up in finger webbing
Caught between two bodies of a hidden kiss
Send me spinning, drunk off your lips
But it’s your turn now
I hope you get drunk off rum tonight and spill your heart to me and spill the truth
Be on the other end of this dry spell
I need you to know I care
Ill tell you I think about you everyday
And send you love notes and gifts to show you how much you mean to me
But I’m not at all receiving
Now I’m in a corner from your withdrawl
Pale and blue and small like the dot that brought me to you
-I’ll show you chills
Everyone you love, every problem, every war on that dot
I’ll wage that war
-against face. about face. This war gets harder to fight, and things get worse when you’re not around
But go back to your drinks and your tongue with a caution sign that reads: slippery when wet
And I’ll heave for a taste of your “oh”; my ONE and only “oh”
It’s obvious between bottles; clearer than their glass
And here comes the pain like shards in skin when they smash

2010-01-18T13:18:00.001-08:00

I’ve posted my old writing on here

from past months and such

but it’s all so sad

and I’m not sad anymore.

Nowhere, Illinois

2010-01-18T13:17:00.001-08:00

On the drive home I battled it out and won against myself, the winning side decided the odds were stacked against us but god dammit I'll fight for you.
I've never met such a labrynth of a mind I've wanted to get lost in.
I've never had anyone so enticing, so captivating, so intriguing in front of me.
I've only ever wanted to touch, I've never wanted to feel a mind mold to my hands as much as I want yours.
You talk about the world and the heavens and it's philosophies of feeling so small, but you darling are the one who makes me feel miniscule.
I'm terrified that you make me want to spend forever with you. No one has ever done that to me.
A second chance or love forlorn?
A shoulder that's cold or a hand that's warm?

Crystal Castles

2010-01-18T13:16:00.003-08:00

The girls who could love you are locked away in their hidden castle towers,
aquiring knowledge far beyond life, in no need of saving.
No distress but damsels nonetheless.
While the girls who dig your graves are out building up the strength to carry all that dirt,
the girls who deserve the love patiently wait and hold our breath.

1's and 0's

2010-01-18T13:16:00.001-08:00

I believe that you feel the same fore me because of the way we laugh together, the way we dance, the childish things we do because we can, the way you touch my face, the way we wrap ourselves around one another. It has nothing to do with the ideogrammatic alphabets that pop up on a crystalized electronic screen.

You, yes you. Need to stop being so adorable

2010-01-18T13:15:00.000-08:00

"Let me silhouette your body with my fingertips, and write soft letters on the small of your back with burning hands, and when the sentences span your entire frame ill take a step back and sigh affectionately before I start punctuating all the sentences rolling across your soul with kisses."

Ovid

2010-01-18T13:14:00.002-08:00

You're caught between two run away trains
She's beautiful and volitale
And I'm just a wreck
Oh and the wreck falls for the mind!
I fall for anyone who entices my mind, sends me off spinning into an oblivion of mind fuck
Ah! And there is my answer all in one! Equally as it spills off the page as it reels in my mind
Any boy who captures my mind, in turn captures my soul, gets me wrapped entirely and lays me down into a pit of hurt
From one heart break to the next with a cracking of a new cavern of my mind in between
The shipwreck of my mind

122910

2010-01-18T13:14:00.001-08:00

You're so proud of me and hold me under a beacon
And it swings and splits into two
those headlights and snow banks have never looked so tempting.

I won't let you ruin the music for me

2009-12-07T21:44:00.001-08:00

I won’t let you ruin the music for me

Palahniuk and Mr. AZ go hand in hand on this one

Why can’t I sweep the cold spring nights aside in my mind?

Beaches and Bastards

I wish I could count the times my head has taken me back to that first night spent in the dark with unfamiliar notes in my ear, like a record, I’m skipping

And now that track in our symphony has been so overplayed, it is worn and cracking

Darling, Monroe is in my name

Rainy days and the harle[quin/m] curse

How many times did I drive that same street begging for you into the early hours of sunrise?

The things of modern fairy tales

And i fell so hard to the soundtrack you created for us

It hurt so badly and I hardly ever said a word to you

Sitting next to waterfalls matching my summer red eyes

Babe, we all fall in love with letters T and X

Texas-kings and queens[you’re so lost in the scene]- hold’em

But my story book takes place in parking lots and shopping malls,

no castles or enchated forests here

I wish i could run but your face is so broadcasted I can’t

And now after dragging me along you reappear enough to make me question wha was and then like my car into the sunset and you into dark rooms, you vanish

TikTok

2009-12-05T02:15:00.000-08:00

The clock pulses, counting down every beat until were done
Even the man on the moon sang along to our symphonies
I'm getting over the fact that youre just over me and no matter what I say that's always where you'll stand
I know this is for the best for the real boy full of heart who loves me back home.
That little glass heart of yours that you so proudly protect, yeah, I see straight through it.
Like glitter in the gutter and rain on cinders
Like sweating it out in the middle of winter
My mind is stuck in a discordant rut
Hanging on heart strings i'm desperate to cut
You broke my heart in two
I'd still do anything for you
I'll love you while you sleep
And like you when you wake
But I'll keep coming back to you
And deny your gift of heartbreak

DeeZee

2009-12-05T02:13:00.000-08:00

Can you feel this, sweet D?
I'm touching you but I'm not sure where you are or if you can feel it under all those facades, faces and fronts
I wish you couldve seen the way I looked at you but you were too busy staring at the mirror
Yeah you. Underneath all that product, the one you're selling yourself as, and the stuff on and in your head
Underneath the label, the one you've plastered to youself and your albums are(n't) on
Underneath the clothes that really aren't you
Somewhere underneath all that is the one I fell for
Just you
Sometimes I wonder if you had a life before you were a b(r)and
Because only once have I heard a story from when you were young or before this scene were both freeze framed in consumed you
It's a shame you never made your wu to my bed
I've still got it turned down for you
But past the point of wanting anything but to tuck you in.
Can you feel this, stupid D?
Yes it's me, trying to get through to you, underneath it all.

Karma Darling <3

2009-12-04T22:47:00.002-08:00

Here is our youth
Settling into old bones and our wisdom is sinking into the crevaces of the creases that we dont have yet, only wish we did.
Feel that age sinking in
With every draw of smoke and pill popped
I'm still listening to Brand New, I never liked them but closed my eyes and lulled away to them so that we fell asleep to the same notes
I stopped feeding that impulse though
Return me to pawn, just like a chess board
Maybe I'll stop getting played if I'm
Surrounded by knights and queens.
Maybe I'll stop getting walked on if I'm made of brick and not dirt
Like the path that surrounded the lake we walked around.
Maybe you'll stop hurting me if I become the nurse who fixes you when your hearts broken
Oh my young dear your heart can spring back, maybe not, you've got a few years on us
That will teach you to mess with girls like us
We bend and never break and we'll move onto the next music making youth filled charismatic boy
While youll stay stuck on us and chistle us into eternal concrete of a song
But you're the one who begged for material

whatgoesaroundcomesaround

2009-12-04T22:47:00.001-08:00

My young mind never understood that a heart could treat another in such a way that caused so much pain
I want to rip up my mental notes and watch them set ablaze in my heart burn
"I wouldn't have done that to you"
Why didn't you heed my W(k)AR(ma)ning?

blue eyes if the storm

2009-12-04T22:46:00.003-08:00

I'm finally facing these tears that have been backed up in my soar eyes for months
I've been stopped up
My mind is spinning tonight and there is no stopping it like the force of the hurricane you turned my life into
I sat and stared at the blue eyes of the storm and now when it broke down and looks just as sad as me, I feel empathy.
I feel empathy for something who took my world and built it up and tore it down
I just looked in the eyes of the jaded gypsy, she pulled me in close and whispered in my ear "you're not the first, you won't be the last, you're just the next to get sucked in"
I broke her looking glass that day
I knew she was wrong she came from the north, she came from the south and she came from the west. And I was between her.
She got sucked into that huricane too. She fought back and waged the war I wished I had
Oh the hurricane. We marvel in it's natural beauty and mystery and we marvel and wonder how it could happen
Then we run in fear, when we realize what it's about to do
Then we hide while it ruins everything around us and takes our possessions and shatters everything we know
Then after in wreckage we are empty
But who in their right mind empathizes the huricane?
Why am I empathizing the hurricane
IT RUINED EVERYTHING
it was the source of every single one of my problelms and proved to me that I was too weak to stand against it's winds
And now I feel bad that it's winds have died down

Taylor Jean Norma Jean Marilyn Monroe

2009-12-04T22:46:00.001-08:00

I am tired of my bed posts merely being the knobs to reveolving doors
Are my sheets so inviting as to welcome the masses? My heart cannot put up bars against my actions.
The more notches made with this knife, the more my heart is carved hallow with the same

aDdiCtion

2009-12-04T22:45:00.000-08:00

I'm writing just to get back in this tick tock flip flop pattern
Oh my hearts been skipping beats since you left
My blood has just stopped short of ventricles
But now I got shot up with a few ounces of karma
In a nice sharp siringe that stung on the way in
My blood and the luck that runs through it has come full circle
Oh there you are blood. Rushing to my head and making my cheecks a shade darker
I feel you pumping through my veins again. Doesn't make sense that you say so cold and dull through the warm summer months
And now youre kick starting my part again in the fall as everything is dying around me
It doesn't make sense
Why am I coming alive when nothing else around me is?
Stiching up rips that are years old
Oh I've missed you fall. The red leaves the bit of the chill in the air
It's almost like it's warning me
But can't say I didn't warn you

Left, Right, Left, Left Right Left

2009-12-04T22:44:00.002-08:00

Straighten my spine
I need to realign
Staighten up
And Step in time
My heads in the mode
Of military code
Dots and dash
Lock and load

Disaster

2009-12-04T22:41:00.000-08:00

You know me, I like a challenge.
The only reason he keeps coming back to me is because he has met his match,
I play the game along with him,
and play the untouchable game so he keeps coming back.
That's what all guys really want.
I'm no seductress,
I've Just got the game game down.
It's a great lesson to learn,
To have the boys in the palm of you hand even when they think the roles are reversed
Girls always win, girls always break hearts.
Boys give us temporary heartbreak, but a girl can scar a boy forever.

I know you see me

2009-09-28T14:42:00.000-07:00

And I want you to know I ache in missing you.
But I'm sure if i tried again we would surely fall apart on site.
Things aren't the same, they haven't been for a very long time.
But I still think of the summer nights and the sleepy fall days we shared.
My heart still misses you.
I hope you do two...
plus
2
=4never.

Bu-Zee

2009-09-28T14:14:00.000-07:00

This is a rant in advance:
Well my lord its been a long time since I've written on ehre. I've taken to writing on TUMBLR more.
But everyone reads those posts everyday, and this is a bit more hidden and seeing as I no long have my notebook with me I can't exactly write in any old place.
So here I am, back at the beginning, September 28th 2009.
I moved to Lincoln Park, and I love it, but why do I keep questioning my decision to live here?
Should I have moved across country? To another coast? Where I didn't know anyone? TO reinvent myself to fit in? To run away from everyone that had caused me heart break in the past few months? Would the right decision to be to run?
I run into so many questions, so many unanswered questions that is.
I am so full of doubt lately, and in all honesty, I am not sure where my stability of happiness lies.
I was worse this summer after being left in the dirt by the two most important people in my life, but I am over that now.
So where does that leave me?
I need to find my place, and get into the swing of things.
I want to be more than I am, I want to be better than ever.
"I need people with edge, risk.. people who know how to live.. how to love.. a true friend. a true love." HB
I need someone who captivates me, and encourages me to get up and get out when all I feel like doing is falling asleep.
I've lost my must to write new lines and capture new ambiances.
Not to mention my faith in love has been unsteady lately.
See, I love a boy.
[who doesn't]
A boy who has chosen to tell me he loves me back, but won't do anything about it.
Well, this just leaves me in a grey area.
I've come to a conclusion over such:
I don't wait for anyone, ever
Meaning i will not wait for him to say he is ready for me to be a part of his life. I will continue to do what I want until I am ready,
I am nobody's convenience
you shouldn't be either.

I just want to write.
I just want to be more.
I just want to be smarter.
I just want to be somebody.
I just want to stop missing you.
I just want to be a better person.
I just want to be the best for once.
I just want to be happier than I am.
I just want to be a better friend.
I just want to turn off my mind.
I just want to shut my mouth.
I just want to be accepted.
I just want to be certain.
I just want to be happy.

To be honest.

2009-06-10T22:54:00.000-07:00

There's.
Someone.
Else.

O.Px14= i'm a bit in the dark.

Espirit d'Escalier

2009-05-02T10:37:00.000-07:00

dear blogspot,

i want to delete you now. But i can't. I'd redirect you to my tumblr except for the fact that it might just be my last little box tied up in ribbons to keep secrets. yeah, there will be no redirecting there. I hope you know these aren't about you anymore. Blue> Green. Waterfalls and shopping malls.

Our love is 2 lonely cars in a empty parking lot at 2 in the morning. Shut your mouth, stop talking. Tie me to one of those cold lamp posts because I’m not allowed to touch you. Were under polluted city star light and I’m trembling. I have to remember to breathe and take you in, living this moment and everything you are aroud me. You are everyone elses business and I’m a nobody offering my nothing that I have. The way I look at you, oh, please read it, please see my heart on my sleeve and see that I’d do anything for you. Please read my look that says “I’m worth it and I deserve you”im down to the quick over you. So quick to fall for this fatal attraction. Well this attraction just met her match. Now that we share secrets with the world and I’m only in tow, I can take stock of what it feels like to walk into a room and cause a chorus, the choir often wonders the same thing about me.

O.P.x4= unrequited.

10/13

2009-04-30T15:47:00.000-07:00

Product of their sanity

spitfire in my chest and a hole where my heart used to be

the days come back slowly sometimes when you don’t need them to

and fall like waves upon sand.

no sugar coating on these words.

no sweetness in it

yet so tasteful it lingers on my taste buds

that sweet smoke is hibernating in my lungs relaxing every nerve wrapped around these shaking hands

$20

2009-04-30T15:46:00.001-07:00

what makes you so special dear?

I’m just wondering and clamoring to muster an answer

hey, by the way.

Did you know i found my place?

And confidence too?

With it came karma and what i truly deserved

Did you know that i found my light in distant eyes?

of course not, you never ask

but thats alright, ill keep my small victories to myself

Hearts On Ice

2009-04-30T15:44:00.000-07:00

too quick to say sorry

to fast to forgive

all i want is for the world to love me

when everything i do for it says “i hate you”

why did this winter get so cold on me?

Even though i’m cold

i’ll still love you when were scraping change together to pay in pennies

counting them out on the counter for the world to see

i hope they tell us keep your coins and show me change

because the change that will be made is that no matter how cold i get

my smile will still melt the world

and yours will be the only one that can melt my cold heart

Will I?

2009-04-30T15:43:00.001-07:00

amount to something one day?
will i do something great?
will i matter to someone?

these are the types of things i ponder
along with the rest of todays youth

were not all wasting space like they say
…i mean, we can’t be... a life can’t be a waste...right

renegotiate

2009-04-30T15:40:00.001-07:00

The first day I looked up into your baby blues when you dropped your celebrity, I had no idea what was across that ocean I started to sail in that moment. When your warm hand touched mine to thank me I had no idea I was shaking hands with my match. Miss Fatal Attraction, meet Mr. Sweetly Cunning, ‘til death do you intertwine as long as you both shall sway. Who knew that hand could cause such shock waves. You’ve always been just around the corner and 5 years ahead and i’ve been watching you through one way glass for some time now, plotting revenge of the hips. I had no idea it would actually happen. Call it chance and a change of events but something in the cosmos wanted Miss fatal attraction to meet her match-stick a thermometer in my mouth and I’m burning up like the fire it ignites, burning up and away into the stars. They just wanted to see how we’d stack up, to see how long we’d last, to see just how long it took and how many people we’d go through before we finally ended up together.

you're a sly one, mr. drench

2009-04-30T15:39:00.005-07:00

somewhere far back in my memory

i’m on a tire swing back on that old hickory tree

with the tan house in front

and your guiding hands push me through the air

who was i to take stock in this memory, who was i to know whats fair

when i was young you were my angel

looking after me

now looking back at all this i still cry when i hear a mother say sweet pea

as i grew older, i shook hands with a monster

who claimed you as his own

and then when the red blurring lights whirred away

they took you and left me all alone

and its sad to feel the hatred that i have against this fight

but its this very war i wage that will some day take your life

and its sad i have to build up to this

and say my goodbyes now

but this hesitation to bring the words to lips

but its as much emotion as i can stand to allow

Name Drop- Jason Mraz, Plane

2009-04-30T15:39:00.003-07:00

You honestly don’t understand

I got so lost within a melody

just sitting on clouds, i take that back, my head was the only thing in it

but you were there too

i so badly want to write down every move we make

but it is so hard to admit we just don’t fit the way i’ve seen it done

Screaming

2009-04-30T15:39:00.001-07:00

When people get mad and say horrible things to each other and they yell and that’s it. After the explosion and all the horrible things said, most times they will talk it out, take it back and sat they didn’t mean it. But that’s the thing, at one point they did mean it from somewhere inside of them, so why take what is finally off your chest back? The words are out there, just own them already

kidnap ransom- for all its worth

2009-04-30T15:38:00.003-07:00

I thought it might be easier this way if I just left unbeknownst by you, slipping out the side door to be undetected. But this is the way you go out, like a flame in a lighter. I watch you burn. Just as quckly off as on. I’m sorry I betrayed my conscious (just because it is doesn’t mean it should be) but this time when l looked in your eyes I didn’t see you anymore. Don’t worry darling, Your my next issued apology. These ashes in my lap look a bit like how we’ll end. So on this long lonely drive home I’ll let the ashes sift through my fingers out the window into the cold night, just like my thoughts about you. Into the darkess in a place I’ll never return. I’m sorry you loved me, but you know I hit the ground running. Maverick mind and harlequin dreams. You can’t tie me down, I’m already so far out into that horizon you lost me where the sky meets the pavement. Maybe it was my eyes you got lost in and I was the one you couldn’t see anymore. criscross, the love was lost, I’m gone baby gone as I usher in our loves swan song

scars and stripes

2009-04-30T15:38:00.001-07:00

A coil just unwound in me and it’s not like I have this need to go amymore, but a desperate want because it is what others have. Accuse me of envy, and I’ll say not of feeling but being. Everyone tells me it will be ok and we’ll get through, like they think at somepoint I’ll stop living or something, like this lively body will wear down with the force of age before my time. Your pity is only for show anyway. Don’t look at me like you’re sorry and don’t say that phrase that is engraved in my bones, all these words instilled in my skeleton for life, but I can’t complain- it is those words that made me grow and built up these joints to run and yet at the same time stand strong. Tough skin on the outside of this frame etched up with words

[[my attempt to break block]]

2009-03-04T12:36:00.000-08:00

sun streaks through dusty air
good morning, haven't seen you in a while
where have you been?
why have you just been sitting here collecting dust?
remember those times we used to run straight through everything that was marked caution?
those were the days
but while i still hide behind these bars they put up
you kept running, right on through
with enough momentum that you knocked yourself right out of this life
and into a new one i can't even comprehend
while i sit here watching you break those walls
i smolder in jealousy
they tied ropes around it to hold it in
and i just keep pulling them and tearing through them
and maybe just for now thats enough for me
while i sit
in jealousy.

seven fourty seven

2009-02-28T19:52:00.000-08:00

sparrow no more

2009-02-25T19:02:00.001-08:00

so realizing that even though i have been given the world,
the world that i have been given is only within their boundries,
because its okay by them
and i'll never be completely free

my heat is beeping

2009-02-24T15:57:00.000-08:00

i'm not sure why
but i've always had a fascination
with the war in Uganda and the child soldiers there
ever since Fall Out Boy came out with the video for "Me and You"
and Pete Wentz got really into it
(i know its a very lame reason but hey, it's something)
then my friend Alex gave me the Invisible Children movie, which i later passed on, and Jessica and I watched it
I was captivated and just wanted to do something about it
lately i've been thinking about how after college i want to join some kind of group and do humanities there against the war
recently its just always in the back of my head
i can't stop reading and thinking about it
for the longest time i've been wanting to read something intelligent, other then teen love stories (hah)
and could never find anything interesting
but finally I'm interested

[[i’ve always known i’ve wanted to do something greater with my life than just live it for myself, maybe this is what i’ve been looking for, and i’m just now realizing it]]

edit: this ties in with not only me, but my connection with god and wanting to be something greater, and my music and how this organization has always been closely tied to it in that many musicians support this cause
it's honestly one of my passions in life
to go to Africa and see it and try to help it
i've finally found some passion in my life besides music, and I'm really excited
on april 25th i'll be doing an event with my friends
i can't wait

to finally be using my life for something other than just living
and be something for someone else
i know who matters will be proud when i do.

A Rocket to the West

2009-02-18T10:35:00.000-08:00

Untitled from Loren Brinton on Vimeo.

top 25

2009-02-17T12:58:00.000-08:00

i spent a lot of time on my top "25" things list.
now i hate it.

hush.

2009-02-16T11:34:00.001-08:00

i
sinned
underneath
religion
and
dreams
in
a
place
that
was
not
my
own
and
i
wont
call
it
home
[[Nothing comes as easy as you.
Can I lay in your bed all day?
I'll be your best kept secret
And your biggest mistake.]]
[[Turn off the lights and turn off the shyness
Cause all of our moves make up for the silence
To the love, I left my conscience pressed
Between the pages of the Bible in the drawer
"What did it ever do for me" I say
And oh, the way your makeup stains my pillowcase
Like I'll never be the same]]

Fab Times.

2009-02-15T23:51:00.000-08:00

2009-02-15T13:57:00.000-08:00

Can't Please Everyone
Can't Please Anyone
I'm in it for myself
you better hold on
to me now
because baby,
in just a short while,
I'll be gone.
I'm leaving you
not my dreams
dead end town
dead end hearts
This is it
this is the part where
i turn and run
told you i'd break you
and you know how i
love to be right.
Can't Win
Can't Fight
Can't Lose
You.

two

2009-02-11T14:35:00.000-08:00

maybe its just because i can't find my balance
but all i want is you?
forever and right now can be two very different things but
they can also be the same
when found in a person.
for now, they are separate.

50+75-200+117 things about me (REBEL!)

2009-02-02T12:43:00.000-08:00

this should be on facebook.
but i didnt want to be a follower.
so i just copied alanna and put mine on blogspot.
hah
1) i'm going to study abroad in London in college
2) i work merch for a band called Urbanites
3) I would never ever trade any of my friends, every one of them means the world to me and i've got a part of every one of them in me
4) i only like to eat green apples
5) i can't believe i actually met someone this wonderful who has honestly been everything i've ever asked for and does silly things like plays hide and seek with me i can laugh with be serious with be completely stupid with and makes me macaroni. this really could be something. were making each other better. WHOA TMI
6) everyone has a band they hold dearest to them, like they feel this weird connection with, and it might not even be your favorite, but they just mean something different to you, and mine is THE CAB
7) all my favorite places in the world are in chicago
8) i've milked a cow. how many people can say that
9) i only wear one other pair of jeans that arent skinny.
10) i want to work for AP magazine one day
11) nike dunks are my weakness
12) one day i'd like to put all my blogs together into a book, but thats unoriginal
13) my biggest dream is to sing on stage
14) my biggest fear is driving off a bridge
15) i was named after marilyn monroe in an odd way
16) i want several tattoos
17) if i could marry my macbook....i would
18) its always the people you least expect that save you
19) i usually tell myself i dont need anyone
20) i don't trust anyone
21) i pretty much say i'm going to marry someone different every day.
22) this summer i hope to go to FL, CA, TX and other places that Warped might lead me to
23) i want to live in the northshore when i grow up with my family
24) i plan to move out to LA for sometime in my life when im older just so i can say i have
25) when it's summer, i am at my best
26) warped tour day is better than christmas, birthdays, and any other occasion COMBINED
27) i care far too much wht people think
28) i like to dress up.if you say you like my outfit, i've done my job. funny thing is, theres only one person i DONT dress up for and that person still thinks im dressing up when i dont. HAH.
29) i love my music, just get over it. yeah i go to lots of shows, i know. its what i do, seriously. just get over it.
30) lonestar girls are crazy. and fabulous
31) why stop at 25 when you can just use this to get what you wanna say out
32) say what you want. damnit...oops.
33) my room= my sanctuary, youre really lucky if youre granted access
34) blah blah blah posters.
35) i've seen over 100 bands but thats not counting multiples...especially fall out boy.
36) i wish at 11:11
37) i collect ticket stubs
38) if i had a fab camera i would take it absolutely everywhere and capture everything about my life, especially my friends. so that they could see themselves through my eyes and just how beautiful they all are in different ways
39) i have a very nasaly chicago accent. so do you. and i speak really fast, especially when im with my best friend. but we dont notice.
40) i am obsessed with: sisky business (pretty much the business brothers in gernal) alex marshall, alex gaskarth, shaant, bryce avary, mitchell davis. i plan on marrying them all, (see, told you)...oh yeah, and hannah beth. but im not going to marry her.
41) I DONT HAVE AN IPHONE
42) i own far too many jac vanek bracelets. but i still want more, how embarrassing.

hellohelicopterareyoulistening?

2009-01-28T17:42:00.001-08:00

why hello blogspot.
i have not seen you in a while.
my time has been taken up
by a whirlwind of new things.
im astounded really
i am a i-dont-need-you, do-it-yourself, independent, lonely
sort of girl
and this all broke that
i know its all new but honestly,
everyone deserves what i've had these past few days
every girl deserves to hear these things
and see them too
i wish it upon everyone
worst part is, is that i feel like crying everytime i have to say goodbye
what is this change in my entire being?

my heart knew it before my head did:
october 12th 2008:
what you gave is mine forever
you can't take that away
tonight i traded hyssop and hyacinth
for nicotine and toxic fog
close enough to touch
far enough to make the right decision
woke up with my head in the stars
and fell asleep to fiction
i hope this isnt
its ringing in my ears
im giving it all to you

these vagabond shoes are longing to stray

2009-01-23T21:56:00.000-08:00

He came in to settle me down
to tell me to stop crying
that it was over, and i was ok
and i knew, but things just sucked.
He made me look for the song we had been singing together all night
"in old new york"
he told me it was the loneliest city ever to be in
but we sang about it anyways
and there i sat, still crying
while the big band swelled
and Frank came on in all his glory
he begged me to sing and put his arm around me and rocked back and forth to the beat
my father can't sing at all, but he did for me
he smiled through the song and asked me to play it again
and i started crying
not because i was upset, but because of the sweetness of the situation
and i confused the beat of the drums for foot steps
and i stared at the door in fear
but i realized i was okay.
and even after the secrets had been spilled
i sat in safety rocking to the beat of a city that was not my own
and everything was ok

2009-01-19T20:39:00.000-08:00

burried beneath 10,000 pounds
of secrets
i've got a family;
a real one

heres my motto: i dont need anyone
and then i drove on thinking about things that make me smile
your name came up very often
but i don't settle remember and i;m convinced youre perfect

2009-01-18T22:05:00.000-08:00

They Tell Me Leave
and sit a suitcase in front of my feet
little and black who knew something so harmless
could mean so many things
this is me turning my back on everything and walking out
this is him turning his back and saying i'm the last one you'd expect to walk out now
that little suitcase is as black as the bruises turn
the color i feel after its all over
as hard and as cold as my heart these days
i pack up what matters
and i look down on the things that don't
it's this or behind bars they tell me
aren't we all behind bars in some way or another?
she is.
and he is.
and i am too.
i've got my own way out
and to you, you've only got each other.
one dying and the other killing oneself
its a long drawn out poison
what's worse, watching you die or knowing you will sooner than you should've?
i wonder when it happens will i look down into that grave and say
"i want to take back the things i said about me wishing you were dead"
maybe i'll feel that its all my fault.
that the reason he hangs his head so low,
the reason his feet drag the slightest bit when he steps through those doors
was because i was born
i'll miss your smile and your laugh
but those memories were replaced by flashing lights and screaming sirens
or was it my screaming that i'm hearing?
makes no difference.

Flow.

2009-01-11T18:27:00.001-08:00

just let it

if only love were like this:

2009-01-10T20:09:00.001-08:00

how to say I Love You
by Hayley Stuart

this reminds me of my friend.
it is something she might write

http://www.youtube.com/ytscreeningroom

if only it were this easy

The Snow Has A Song All Its Own

2009-01-09T22:36:00.000-08:00

it builds as it echos
with chains to and fro aimlessly grow
born by decembers breeze
-remember that song?

wow. i just went out and stood in the silent snow, it was beautiful
and blissful
and had an energy all its own
and i never have felt more lonely.

its a known fact that i always find myself in romantic places
by myself...
oh well thats the beauty in being a 17 year old girl

i wish that pure happiness
complete peace
would be easier to find

but it comes when you need it

I'm one crazy B****

2009-01-09T14:15:00.000-08:00

he ended up burned.
"I built the machine that almost destroyed me."

REBLOG:
so. about this whole LOVE business.
lets put it this way, you dont understand what i meant
in the sense i say, "i can't love",

"every time she found something or someone
in her possession, she would either
a) lose interest and walk away
or
b) find a reason it wouldn't work"
-summer boys

to everyone who reads this, im not trying to lash out and pretend i'm right.
i know i am not.
i believe that in seeing my faults, i'll one day understand
but the only way you could
is if you were me
because i dont even understand what goes on in my mind
you cannot force the heart what it does not want
it is not about love as it is more about my use of the word as substitution for "relationships"
i could find one if i really wanted
but i wont stop until i find exactly what i want
never settle

i shouldnt even be posting this.
im sorry if it seems like im lashing
i just cant explain
dont be offended
im just speaking with my stream of conscience

I'm broken.

2009-01-08T12:47:00.001-08:00

any girl who saw that would immediately fall
but ive lost my ability to love.
my heart is broken, and will not work.
i'm sorry.
i don't know what
i've got walls around me, no one can reach me.
but why cant these words break it down
one of my favorite people ever, biggest sweetheart i know, you have one hell of a head on your shoulders, maybe i'll be that person to understand you,
who turns that down?
i do.
i'm broken.

6.29

2009-01-05T13:30:00.000-08:00

ow ow ow ow ow
hi, im bella swan.
i wrap my arms around myself to keep my insides from falling apart
theres a big whole in my chest, it hurts really bad
especially when i picture everything without you.
i drew an X on your picture, now i feel better.
i put all your things in a box and put an X on that too
along with that chain i wore...so much longer than it was visible
i'm thinking about burying it along with my love
and putting it to rest
maybe then like all dead things, i can forget too.

hi, MARRY ME

2009-01-02T23:46:00.000-08:00

deformed

2009-01-01T21:11:00.000-08:00

so lets put it like this.
to start: i am beginning with no structure to this
but eventually it will fall into structure and beats and rhythms, it always does
so talking to a friend today i realized
that it is not a question of me finding love, or getting love
it is a question of me taking it.
because i cant, i cannot love.
it is impossible
much like the ever innocent peter pan, i cannot feel
i worry too much about collateral damage
and get too caught up in things
and care too much what others think
and oh god, if anyone changes my perfect pattern of living, immediate nix.
So whats the deal with Taylor.
I wish someone had the answer because i sure as hell don't have it.
The thing is i cannot search within someone else for the answer, i must find it within me
But where to start?
is it that everyone ever has walked out on me or given up on me save for a select few?
is it that i don't trust anyone in my life... really, anyone

p.s. i look at this everyday to remind myself

is it because i dont love myself yet?
because i have so much jealousy inside of me?
because i am hardly stable myself and how could i find it within someone else?
what is it?
WHAT IS IT.

2009

2009-01-01T13:51:00.000-08:00

So This Is The New Year.
and i dont feel any different.

i'm not going to lie and hide the fact that, i am really upset
about the actions
that occured
on behalf of myself
and everyone else around me

there are some things in the world that i am only beginning to understand
there are some things in the world i will never understand
this is one of them.
while someones life is taking a turn for the better
i find myself stagnant in the same place
unwavering unmoving
at least if i am not learning i am teaching

New Years Resolutions

2008-12-31T12:42:00.000-08:00

1) Go To More Parties
2) Fall In Love
3) Appreciate More
4) Put My Head Above Everything That Is Wrong
5) Be More Independent
6) Learn THis: The Things You Are Most Terrified To Do Are Often The Things That End Up Being The Most Fun
7) Write More
8) Establish Myself
9) Not Loose Contact With People
10) Be Better

My Top 15 of 2008
15) Going to my first "legit people" party
14) The Rave AP tour
13) Seeing FTSK @ the mall (what a fun day)
12)The Rave for The Really Really Ridiculously Good Looking Tour
11) The Rocket Summer Tour
10) Fall Formal
9) meeting the fam/ establishing the brat pack/ Establishing the LSGs
8) Getting "My Box"/ All that had to do with it
7) Stalking.
6) Gilson Beach
5) THE CAB...album/show @ the rave/ show @ HOB
4) State and Madison Coming To Fremd
3) Getting involved in Chicago Music
2)Warped Tour/ Warped Tour Day @ 6 Flags
1) SUMMER 08 WITH MY BEST FRIENDS.

this is all subject to change as i remember things throughout the day

heal

2008-12-20T23:16:00.000-08:00

dear Bedussy, im the anthem for what you've become

2008-12-17T12:53:00.000-08:00

and i want it so bad
i'd shoot the sunshine right into my veins

here is my anthem: detoxjusttoretox

and this is my story:
You can only blame your problems on the world for so long
Before it all becomes the same old song
As soon as we hit the hospital, I know we're gonna leave this town

im running in a circle
in and out of hospitals
all those white walls look the same these days
im screaming because i feel nothing
but when i do it comes from the pit
and makes me shudder
i'd never whimpered before you
balled up on the ground
small and shaking
in a dark corner
like the last letter you wrote to her
that you balled up and tossed behind you because you couldnt get the words just right
but i get it now.
you never wanted to.
you never wanted to let go.
im just a ploy,
like perfect boys.
no body wants to hear you sing about tragedy

may i ask...

2008-12-15T20:21:00.001-08:00

...who actually reads this misery business?
let me know.

i had forgotten what pulled me in

2008-12-14T15:57:00.000-08:00

Citizens For Our Betterment Recap from citizens for our betterment on Vimeo.
feels like summer

these prisoners drag on, ball and chain and all

2008-12-14T14:33:00.000-08:00

(M) h Y s L O p
Titles are allowed to be lame if there’s good material afterwards…so lets hope this is good.

I’ll help you find what’s inside. I’ll try and make everything all right. Don’t you ever put on a mask for me, I need to know everything. Someones gotta keep you alive. Gotta find a ball and chain to prove to you that I’ll always be here. Funny because a ball and chain is usually used as a metaphor about being locked down to something you want to get away from. But I want to stay right here. I’ll find you your sunshine even if it kills me. Because when you get your sunshine, I can finally have mine.

awwwwwww i love him!
=]
<3Kings

jealousy lies where their fingers wrap around each other

2008-12-13T14:22:00.001-08:00

i cannot force these hands to make things that cannot be made
but i will try to force them to do things that they were not made to do
i'm pushing so hard these days to feel anything
anything with these hands
the same hands that never gave me a talent
and are hard enough to look at
these hands that could not be collegiate
could not make symphonies
could not write the words worth reading
could not make a better daughter
could not stop you form poisoning yourself
could not reach fourpoint "oh"
these hands that hold everything worth wanting
but nothing inside
the hands that have no others to hold
smash them and they will break into a million pieces
because they are hollow these days
and i cannot do anything or say anything that will fill them
just empty
like porcelain figures
along with this face
they're the same
painted beauty on the outside
beautiful dolls
with frills and diamonds
but on the inside
no color
and cold
and hollow
sitting on the top shelf collecting dust
to sit and be admired
but never touched
and so everyone heeds this warning
like i wear it upon this porcelain back with these hollow cold hands

this is just an accident

2008-12-10T20:49:00.000-08:00

nothing compares to this sinking feeling
gravity pushes down on the hole in my chest
and slides right down to my stomach
and sits there
like a virtue spoiled
like a dream deferred
it hurts.
but i've built it up and kept these walls dammed and patched up before
and i've turned out fine
its only a matter of time
before i become the same
with a few more patches
in the sea of my body

who knew 3 words could feel the way someone holding you does:
we'll be ok
-M

about a [boy and a] girl

2008-12-10T13:31:00.000-08:00

after all these years

2008-12-09T20:48:00.001-08:00

they still understand
we've never met but they touch every aspect of me:

you can only blame your problems on the world for so long
before it all becomes the same old song
as soon as we hit the hospital, i know we're gunna leave this town